I’m going to the zoo right now. Yuuup. With Casey. Everyone thinks its a date, BUT ITS NOT. Friends go out all the time.
Yup. Not freaking out or anything…
I just want it to be over already. I wanna go home even though I’m still here. I don’t wanna leave :( I WANNA STAY. PLEASE. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE.
I have to go now…
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I’m doing online school and with the class I also get this overview of a college for each chapter and for "Chapter 0” its Yale.
I want to go to Yale, the school is calling me. Its so beautiful and for some strange reason I think I’ll fit in.
asljkdfhdfgjht
whats wrong with me?!
I’ve decided to stop caring about the boy, just because he doesn't have the guts to come clean about his feelings and because he doesn’t like getting personal. Obviously, if you want something with me there has to be some amount of trust and your need to be exclusive needs to show, but not you.
Victor…and his sexy self. ‘Nuff said.
Diana graduated and lately all I can think about is that I’m finally a senior. The moment I’ve been waiting for is here and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m freaking out mostly, though. This is my last summer to be carefree and wild…its here. In a year, I’ll be going to college and everything’s gonna be so different :x I’m living it up this year…ferr sure. Playing it as it goes…
But anyways, Diana graduated and I’m so proud of my baby girl and everything she’s accomplished :’) Wednesday was her graduation dinner and I had so much with everyone: Frank, Ellie, Jeremy and Diana. We went to Wal-Mart and did stupid things like fill shopping carts with random things and then leaving them stranded…and then going to dunkin’ donuts and eating, falling asleep at 2am pranking boys, some not so sexy. Then waking up to this girl snoring and texting someone. Then to getting stranded at coral reef and taking the bus to southland and spending the day there drinking starbucks and eating pizza <3 Even though I told Diana that with her I always seem to go through bad things, I love her for helping me get out of this funk and enjoying life and all the little moments that matter.
We were talking and I’ve realized how much things have changed. Back then, I was the wild child and she was the careful one…now I’m more of the mother, worried all the time girl and she’s the girl who needs to be kept on a leash. I want to be somewhere in between. I have one year to do everything I want to do, so you know what…I’m gonna do it.
I’m gonna make a bucketlist of all the things that I’ve always wanted to do and in 365 days I will accomplish it. I will.
Now brb, gotta do do some errands ~
I’ve probably gained all the weight I lost in the past week or two.
Gonna go die now.
Lol jk I have to blog first…
*in the bathroom*
Me: Y como durmio abuelita?
Abuelita: Bien, fijate que sone con la Ana Maria y esta BIEEEEEN flaca y yo le pregunte que porque estaba bien flaca si ella es GOOOOOORDA.
Me: Y que le dijo?
Abuelita: Me dijo que es que estaba enamorada…
Me: LMAO. ROFL.
Abuelita: Si esta loca, y le dije que porque todavia pensaba en hombres
Me: LOL
Abuelita: Y me dijo que ella nacio asi
Me: Como?
Abuelita: Pensando en hombres
******more great conversations to come <3
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you
I know Coldplay didn’t write the lyrics with the meaning that I’m singing it with, but its oh so great <3
I’M TRYING TO FUCKING FINISH THIS DAMN FIVE PAGE REPORT ON MY TOWN. WHY ARE YOU FUCKING YELLING? WHY IS EVERYONE IN MY HOUSE.
GET THE FUCK OUT. ALL OF YOU. O.O
Um…lots of things have been going on recently…lots ^.^
First of all, Casey and I are NOT dating…yet. We’re “talking” according to the definition provided by my dearest tranny Steph. I don’t even know. We stayed after school Tuesday to study for the SATs and we talked about random things, as we studied of course. Then when we finished he casually asked for my number :3 Yuuuuup. He was all “oh can I have your number? for the next time we study”. I wanted to say something witty like “oh my mother doesn’t allow me to give out my personal number” but since he always catches me off guard, I only managed to say “yea”, as simple as that. wuuuutevarrr. We’ve been texting ever since c: And he still finds me during lunch to have lunch together and he still opens doors for me and he still says cute things to me :) BUT…he can’t be perfect. He just can’t. THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM. Or maybe he’s not as chivalrous as he seems and then if we do start dating…things will change. Change change change. Change like Florida’s bipolar weather, and thats what scares me. People always say and do one thing, and then end up doing something else. :/
But anyways, we’ve been talking. And his birthday’s on Tuesday :)
Yessenia and Casey decided to hang out at the movies on Friday and watch a movie, but he didn’t end up going cause of some issue with his parents :( But I had fun regardless with Sophie, Shelby, Yessenia and Valeria and the FACT THAT WE WATCHED THOR<3 After the movie we went to Starbucks and planned Casey’s surprise Shindig and hopefully its gonna be awesome! Then yesterday was a hectic day, hanging out at my aunts, fixing my room, buying all the things we needed with for the shindig with Yessenia…and I got out of bed at 12:30, just fabulous. But I was supposed to sleep over at Diana’s yesterday because we had planned it and her boyfriend had broken up with her and I didn’t. I also didn’t call her to tell her about what was going on, but not because I’m rude, because I knew she’d be mad and wouldn’t understand that I just couldn’t. But either way she’s REALLY REALLY REALLY MAD AT ME. REALLY REALLY REALLY MAD. I’m gonna give it a few hours for her to cool off, because in the end it is my fault, but I do feel horribly bad about it :/
I think I like him…a lot. :>
I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back. I hate waiting for you to write back.
I HATE IT.
I have things to do, why am I wasting my time waiting around?
Oh yeah…cause I’m a dumb turkey.
Besides all the stupid sappy things I’ve been writing, I’M FINALLY DONE WITH AP TESTS!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT. May things turn out for the best!
Now I’m gonna dedicate some time to me myself and I, and possibly get Netflix back :P
But then I have my CNA test to study for and SATs and Calculus online…
My grandma’s coming though, so I’m really excited :D
It feels like we’re taking our time, as if we know we have forever. I love to see your face, it just makes me all giddy inside. I always look away though, as if you see all the imperfections inside of me; I glance a look here and there.
I like that I feel so comfortable with you and that for the first time…its real. Not imaginary or a fantasy that I’ve made in my mind, but real.
I still can’t believe that it’s happening to me though, never would I have thought that this would happen to me…especially not this soon. I mean he opens doors for me, who does that anymore? And I don’t mean just opens it when we’re walking somewhere together, he walks me to my class and rushes a little to open the door for me.
I like you. I think I really do. Will this feeling last?
I feel like an idiot. Stupid. Moron. That I’m trying too hard when I shouldn’t be.
This is exactly what I didn’t wanna get like.
He likes me XD Well, he didn’t tell me, but Anabel did. And Shelby never fails to remind me, lol. I was in such a good mood when I walked home today; the weather was perfect: cloudy, breezy, no sun and about to rain, just how i like it.
I called Ana and Diana and told them about it, and then I texted Stephanie, but thats it. What if you change your mind? Or what If I do? I have the tendency to like a guy or be interested in a guy for a week or two and then move on.
I don’t really know how I feel about you yet, I’m really confused. Am I just interested because you are? Or do I like the feeling of getting lost in your eyes?
I don’t wanna like you. I don’t wanna like you. I don’t wanna like you.
I DON’T WANNA LIKE YOU.
But I can’t seem to help myself. You laugh at all the stupid things I say and I can be myself and no one else around you. I can act like a fool and you’ll just smile and make it alright..but…this is really bad timing. Or the perfect timing?
I don’t know.
I told my mom about you and she told me to take caution, as always. You just never know who someone really is.
I don’t wanna like you. I don’t wanna like you. I don’t wanna like you.
The test wasn’t THAT bad, if I had studied. The Shelbs and I studied this past weekend, the fun way of course lol. OH AND I HAD FRO-YO (frozen yogurt) FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS EXTREMELY DELICIOUS. NONFAT ORGANIC LICHY AND COOKIES AND CREAM. WHO WOULDA THUNK IT TASTED SOOOOO GOOD. BETTA DEN ICE CREAM!!!!
Anyways, yep, Shelby and I studied at the library and her house on sunday. Some of the things we studied were on the test (like Minamata bay disease!) and the rest wasn’t…haha. Hopefully I do better on my next tests.
Shelbs and I are gonna start staying after school the rest of the week to study for our AP us history test. Let us hope I pass it with at LEAST a 3, although I’m aiming for a 4, but who isn’t?
BTW, Homeboy’s talking to me again. Hopefully this madness stops –_-
Just for the sole purpose of putting it out there, “homeboy” from last week added me on facebook on tuesday. But I wanted to make him pay…so I waited a WHOLE day to add him; yeah i know, HEARTBREAKER.
I’ve always wondered and I’m still curious to know what is it that makes two people decide that they like each other and they want to start a relationship. Is it this indescribable energy that flows as soon as you’re with that person, or this longing to be with anyone that you pick the one guy that seems to be interested in you? People always say that when the time comes, you’ll know who that one person is. But…relationships aren’t the same for everyone. Some people want to feel that burning passionate love, and others want to be held at night; some both. How do you distinguish one from the other? When the time does come, how do you know you wanna be with that person not because you wanna be held, but because you feel that energy, that connection? Do you feel it as soon as you meet this person, or does it gradually grow?
Fairytales and the media have taken charge on this issue. Disney movies have portrayed this certain image on how love really is (and Nicholas Sparks). Is it really love at first sight? High school sweethearts that get married after high school and have the two kids, dog and white picket fence? Or that fateful moment that you bump into that person, your eyes meet and you suddenly realize thats the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with?
When a boy comes along, how do you know you’re making the right choice?
Diana and I have been hanging out a lot lately. After the performance on friday, she came to my house and slept over. I made her an omelet at midnight ^.^ she claims it was good. After we ate I was falling asleep to "'say yes to the dress” and then she finally gave in and we went to sleep. Saturday we were being lazy butts and ate some breakfast and watched some tv. At about 1 we got ready to go see Rio (even though I wanted to see Water for Elephants –.-) and we looked so fly ~ I’m not gonna lie, it was a cute movie c: Then we went to taco bell cause I was soooooo hungry and Diana was too. Got me some fresco soft tacos from the diet menu, WASSUP. Then we picked up my momma, came home and chilled a bit and then went to Evos :D IT WAS AMAZING!!!! I loved the fries and milkshake<3 After we left, my mom really wanted to go to church cause it was holy saturday and we didn’t get out til 10pm, itz all good though. I really wanted to go sleepover at my diana’s, but momma said no. The rest of the night was bittersweet.
I’m getting two close to my bfffff, and it sucks. I’m dreading August when she leaves :( I’m gonna miss her so much.
I didn’t wake up any merrier. I was still upset about the stupid boy, cause I’m a stupid girl. I got up around 10 and ate some breakfast and cleaned around the house. I finished around 12 or something like that and my mom asked if I could go buy some tortillas and chicharones at this mexican super marker cause she likes how they make ‘em. I wasn’t gonna refuse, and I wanted to get out the house, so I didn’t refuse. My momma told me though to dress up cause I looked ugly –__- I didn’t really care how I looked, not like I wanted someone to holla at me anyway. But I listened and put on normal clothes and left. After I picked up some of the things, I went to get the cheese at the counter and this very attractive guy was handling my cheese. While he was weighing it, he looked at me and I smiled and he smiled back. Then I took the cheese and I went to go look for the other things. I saw him twice after that, once while I was getting some sauce and then when I was leaving.
My stepdad still thinks I’m a lesbian just because I hang out with my best friend almost every weekend and my mom’s starting to get brainwashed. Great. It’s not my fault guys aren’t into me, and the only ones who are aren’t decent enough.
I hate stupid boys. But most of all, I hate for being a stupid girl.
After I came home from those errands, I went and took a nap cause naps usually help me. At around two my mom came in the room and I noticed shadows behind her. When I oppened my eyes it was mi tia Juanita, my dad, mi tia Pastora and my two beautiful sisters :D I was so surprised and confused and happy! I was so glad to see them. We ate and laughed and talked and saw the heat game and then we went to Mi tia Luz’s house and then they dropped me off and my sisters and I promised to have a sleepover soon.
I love my seeesters so much <3
During our practices throughout the whole week there was this guy Tony. We didn’t really start talking to him (Diana and I) till Wednesday. He’s not the hottest thing in the world, but he’s really cute and nice and kind of funny. I wasn’t really thinking about him in that way till Diana was all “oh he likes you…blah blah blah” But in my head I only kept thinking “how could he like me when you’re you, ya know?”. Any who, Thursday night it got to my head so Friday I was really hoping to talking to him and being closer, especially since Diana had predicted that he would ask for my number Friday night. HE DIDNT. She then predicted he would add Raymond on facebook, then add her and then add me to get to know me better. HE DIDN’T. He only added Raymond and then her. Which proves my theory that guys aren’t interested in me because they just aren’t. When a guy likes you, he will let you know. But they never do, so they don’t. Cool.
I hate getting disappointed. No expectations, no disappointments.
You can’t miss something you’ve never had, but why do I long for it so much?
It was a normal night for most. Studying for some, Calle 13 concert in Ecuador for others, but I spent my night empty and crying. Why? Let’s go back to where I left off from yesterday.
Right after I wrote my last post, I rushed to my room and got ready for my church rehearsal. I got there a little bit later than was said cause my mom was out buying some rick milk (WHICH IS SO TASTY) and was stuck in traffic ._. Anyways, I went to my best friend and she said happy birthday and continued her conversation on the phone. Then after a while rehearsal started and off we were. All of a sudden, I started feeling really crappy. Like an outsider in my own body. It’s not as if someone forced those emotions on me, or did anything wrong to make me feel that way, I just felt really lonely. Diana was with “Juan” and this other girl cause thats who she’s doing the skit with and then I was behind them cause I don’t mind being by myself. After a while, I think I started getting upset at the fact that I didn’t wanna feel like that on my own birthday and it only made things worse. Then once the rehearsal was over, I asked Diana again if she had wanted to come to my house to eat some cake and I sounded a little less enthusiastic cause I was feeling crappy and I didn’t want anyone over but I had already asked her before so I didn’t wanna be mean. But then she made it sound like she didnt ask her mom cause i never fully “asked her” and i told her it was because she didnt sound interested blah blah blah. The point is: she was distancing herself from me all night because on facebook on everyones wall posts i would write cute little comments and when I got to hers, which she spammed my wall, all i put was “i love you” and that she felt stupid for writing all that because it didnt even matter to me. WTF. Thats not even how I felt, not at all. I was actually really happy that she took the time to spam my walll –__-
It was really stupid. I Then as soon as she got it out of her system, she felt better and it was all good and we should move on. NO. ITS NOT GOOD. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Which only made me feel worse and I wanted to cry right then and there. But I got to my moms car, and then the tears just came out. My mom asked me if she was coming and i told her no cause her mom was already there. And then my mom told me that her friend had made me a cake. I felt really bad cause I wasn’t in the mood. I got home and I saw the cake and I just went to my room and called her. She was already moved on, but I wasn’t. I didn’t understand, or I did but I wasn’t processing anything at all. I said I was frustrated and I would call her back in 30 minutes. I went straight to the floor and started crying. My mom came to my room and its like she knew we were fighting. We went to her room and I explained to her that I wasn’t even crying because of her, which in the end I wasn’t. I was crying because I felt empty, because I diddn’t wanna feel empty. My mom comforted me for a while and we talked a lot and I like it when we talk because she makes me feel so much better. I love her to death, and I hate that I don’t show her my love towards her most of the time, thats just how I am. It’s hard for me. Which is one thing we’re similar in.
Once I couldn’t cry anymore we went out to cut my cake and I took pictures and that was that. I still felt empty, but I tried to make the most out of my night. After all, I only had less than an hour left til the night was over.
I danced. I laughed at myself and i went to bed.
And that was that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn’t really all that excited, and even when I woke up I didn’t even think about it and just went straight to the shower. My mom came in and sang all these different happy birthday songs and I got out of the shower and hugged here all wet <3 When I went to my room she left me this beautiful card on my bed, and i love letters :’) My stepdad wanted to wish me a happy birthday, and I guess I was rude for taking my time cause I took to long and he had to go to work so he left and my mom got mad at me. Whatevs, I apologized. (she’s right though) Anywho, Anabel wasn’t on the bus and I was like “great, the one day a year its my birthday and she’s not even here”. Alena got me this cute shirt and Ana sang mariachi :D then when I got to 2nd, turns out Anabel had missed the bus so she could surprise me by leaving my present at my desk. She made CHINESE RICE AND LO MEIN CUPCAKES!! Which sounds disgusting, but its actually not lol. Its just the design, its not really the taste lol. Alyssa gave me this cute lettter c: Then during lunch Leeann and Kensley made this delicious ALL ORGANIC COOKIES AND CREAM OREO CAKE!!!!! EVEN THE OREOS WERE ORGANIC!!!! :DDDD Lindsay made some DELICIOUS cakewiches :3 and last but not least, I went to sixth and I didn’t feel like doing work so I took a personal day off, lolz. Seems valid. Shelby made me this AWESOME CARD :D
AND MY MOMMA GOT ME DIS HELLO KITTY BALLOON WHICH IS SO CUTE AND GAVE ME A NEW IPOD WHICH I WASNT EXPECTING BUT GOD IS GOOD AND I LOVE GOD SO MUCH FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS AND PEOPLE HE’S SURROUNDED ME WITH, ESPECIALLY THE BEAUTIFUL MOTHER I HAVE<333333333333333
its only 6:47 and the night is young, so lets see how this goes. I still can’t believe its MAH BIRDDAY!!!!!!!
Ahh…seventeen.
I’m eating turkey chili right now, and it tastes like dog shit. Not that I’ve tried dog shit, but this is what I imagine dog shit tasting like. Not that I imagine the taste of dog shit on a daily basis…
DO NOT EAT TURKEY CHILI. EVER. MAYBE JUST REGULAR CHILI. BUT NOT TURKEY CHILI.
My black face fades,
hiding inside the black granite.
I said I wouldn’t,
dammit: No tears.
I’m stone. I’m flesh.
My clouded reflection eyes me
like a bird of prey, the profile of night
slanted against morning. I turn
this way—the stone lets me go.
I turn that way—I’m inside
the Vietnam Veterans Memorial
again, depending on the light
to make a difference.
I go down the 58,022 names,
half-expecting to find
my own in letters like smoke.
I touch the name Andrew Johnson;
I see the booby trap’s white flash.
Names shimmer on a woman’s blouse
but when she walks away
the names stay on the wall.
Brushstrokes flash, a red bird’s
wings cutting across my stare.
The sky. A plane in the sky.
A white vet’s image floats
closer to me, then his pale eyes
look through mine. I’m a window,
He’s lost his right arm
inside the stone. In the black mirror
a woman’s trying to erase names.
No, she’s brushing a boy’s hair.
I read this poem in English class today, and at first I overlooked it and moved on. But then I had a question on one of the assignments that had to do with this poem and as Dr. Mendez was explaining it…tears ran down her face and her face was turning red.
Any kind of writing can have multiple meanings, and I might have interpreted this in another way , but this poem is dedicated to the lives that were lost in the Vietnam war, and not only them, but the family members that had to struggle with the reminiscent of the war: the loss of someone dear to them. This especially goes out to the special people that my special teacher lost.
A Word with You
Elizabeth Bishop
Look out! there’s that damned ape again
sit silently until he goes,
or else forgets the things he knows
(whatever they are) about us, then
we can begin to talk again.
Have you tried playing with your ring?
Sometimes that calms them down, I find.
(Bright objects hypnotize the mind.)
Get his attention on anything –
anything will do – there, try your ring.
The glitter pleases him. You see
he squints his eyes; his lip hangs loose.
You were saying? – Oh Lord, what’s the use,
for now the parrot’s after me
and the monkeys are awake. You see
how hard it is, you understand
this nervous strain in which we live -
Why just one luscious adjective
infuriates the whole damned band
and they’re squabbling for it. I understand
some people manage better. How?
They treat the creatures without feeling.
- Throw books to stop the monkeys’ squealing,
slap the ape and make him bow,
are firm, keep order, – but I don’t know how.
Quick! there’s the cockatoo! he heard!
(He can’t bear any form of wit.)
- Please watch out that you don’t get bit;
there’s not a thing escapes that bird.
Be silent, – now the ape has overheard.
My birthday’s next week wednesday, and to be honest I don’t want to celebrate it at all. It’s not because I dredge the fact that I’m getting older, I’m just not interested in having a big shabang or a shabang at all. I hope no one remembers and I’ll pretend like its another day. I don’t want cake, or a party, or a shindig or NADA. Let’s all pretend that its NOT my birthday and move on to the next day.
I don’t know, I sound really depressing but I don’t care. It’s only another year, not like I’m 50 or something.
Things that confuse me:
Math equations. Break ups of my favorite couples. Books I’m too dumb to understand. Fifteen minutes of fame. The scent of flowers. The existence of Mondays. Classical poetry. The smell of coffee at this hour — you’re unemployed. Your side of the bed is empty. Where are you?
Things that make me mad:
Faded friendships. Mean people. Uncomfortable shoes. The familiar stink of public restrooms. Leftovers scattered everywhere. The ants that are feasting on them. Your dirty clothes on the floor. Coffee stains on my favorite table. The fact that I can’t find you right now. Did you leave?
Things that make me want to cry:
Films with devoted lovers who don’t end up together. Books with well-meaning protagonists who die in the end. TV shows with awful dialogue and unnecessary plot twists. Unbearably good poetry. Sad, bastard music. That first bite of wasabi burger. The sight of a packed suitcase by the door first thing in the morning. Or are you planning to?
Things that make me want to (sort of) die, or cry harder:
The thought of going to work tomorrow. The price of my favorite chocolates. Reading books that don’t interest me at all. Bumping into your exes. Seeing pictures of them in your wallet. Unresolved problems. Tabloids and the people who read them. Clubs — the ones that involve dancing and not talking, at all. The thought of you leaving. Did I say something wrong?
—
In this crappy apartment, we built a life that’s livable enough for us to grow together. Happy and somewhat normal. We’re not like most people—we feel too much and say too little. But we’re in love. Isn’t that enough?
We talked of planes and passports. We talked of memories—the ones we choose to forget, the ones we want to make, and the ones we regret. We also talked of the future—in some icy country, with huge backpacks on and not enough money. Never enough money.
Also, plans: building our library of songs, films, and books. Things that bind us together. I have wondered many times what would become of us without them. Then, I knew: We’d still be us. And this would still be great.
—
Things that make me happy:
Chocolates and junk food. Good films that make me feel like a better person for watching them. Good food that doesn’t make me feel guilty afterward. Songs that make me feel lucky for being alive. Everything that makes me feel. My decision to check the coffee table where there are plane tickets to Alaska. Remembering that our anniversary is today. Realizing that the packed suitcase by the door is in fact two — one for you, one for me. Most of all, you.
-Zet
On the first day of school, in English class, I noticed this really cool poster on the podium and it was about national poetry month. Once upon a time, I used to write and I used to love to write, but I’ve lost my touch. I’ve been in this writer’s block for a really long time and I hate it. I hate not being able to express what I feel and to keep it all repressed inside just because I forgot how to. But anyways, April is national poetry month and my teacher put up a new poster for the new year. And I’ve decided that it the funk won’t leave out of me, then I will direct the funk to the nearest exit. I’m going to TRY to write at least once a week this whole month in honor to all the great poets and writers out there. Also, I’'ll be on the lookout for great poems I read.
Starting…now.
I haven’t updated since last Wednesday So I guess I’ll do it now…
Spring break was alright, just the stress free days I needed! I mostly stayed home and watched the food network :3 Then Saturday night I went to my aunts surprise birthday dinner with Diana and I had a really good time; dancing, playing la chalupa, watching due date and karaoke with my half drunk uncles lololol. Then sunday I picked up Diana and went to church and then we went to her bf’s house to pick up some aloe vera and I finally met him in person, he seems nice and sweet, I approved! Then i took her home and went home and ATTEMPTED to do homework, but it failed. I sorta read the great gatsby and thats it. Then yesterday it was an average school day. Today, everything was boring til I got off the bus. My mom lost my house keys so I had to wait outside so my aunt could bring me the extra and then get in. I waited about 20 minutes. I ate some food, watched a little tv and then hurried up cause I had to exercise, take a shower, get ready and eat cause Diana wanted me to go surprise her bf cause its his bday today. I got to his house at around 5:40 and we started getting the things ready with his sister. I’ve never been in a room full of so much testosterone :o Guys walking around like it was christmas or something. Apparently, most of them go to my school but I haven’t even seen half of them o.o its all good tho, i’ll keep an eye out ;D the party turned out to be so much fun. Diana and I were having a blast laughing at the guys and the guys were being so stupid and playing around.
Cheers to a good week so far, now watch some asshole ruin it –__-
Yesterday was a pretty productive day on one hand, and completely unproductive on the other. Even though I woke up at around 10:30ish, I still managed to watch sex and the city reruns, clean the kitchen, take out all the expired goods (oxymoron!) out of the fridge and clean that as well, fix my room and move all the furniture around, kind of feng shui my bedroom cause I hadn’t done it in a super long time and then exercise, eat, watch the food network, and sorta read. And yet, no homework was done whatsoever.
Today, unfortunately, I must do all my homework and laundry :(
Yeeeep…this is how my spring break be.
Be jealous…be. jealous. ~
FINALLY. I’M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:DDDDDDDDDD
AHHHHHHHHHH
AND GUESS WHAT? So far, I’ve got a perfect score on that final exam<333
good night :’)
thank you, GOD, MARY, JESUS, THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!!
Spring break to do list (2011):
Compare. Have I really changed that much?
Insanity’s been going pretty good. I’m still trying to get the hang of it, but I’ll eventually get better. And yesterday night, Diana and I went to her cousin’s party and we danced all night even though my feet were KILLING me. But I had fun, and I do miss her. It’s gonna be hard to see her leave off to college this summer :’( We were just getting closer again and now she’s gone.
At the party though, I ate real food >:o I broke the diet and ate. Thank God it wasn’t a lot though, but still. I broke it today again. Somehow my uncle thought Easter was next week or something so he had an easter egg hunt with hershey’s kisses w/ almonds D: THOSE ARE MY FRIGGIN FAVORITE. I ate like three…or five.
Then that whole bed bath and beyond thing happened and I was in crappy mood..and then I wasn’t. What was God trying to prove to me? That I’m incredibly awkward around guys? I already knew, no need to brag it in my face. But it’s all good…keep teasing me –_-
I’m not really expecting anything from spring break. I know people are like “wooooh, friends, beach, parties, hot guys, beach balls, staying out late, dancing, etc etc”; However, I’m all like “wooo sleeeeep, catch up on studying, eat healthier, exercisee…”
I’m really scared about one thing though: my friendship with stephanie and abby. Ever since they left to SAS they’ve gotten closer. With each day, my face seems to fade away from their picture, and I don’t like it at all. '
Well, gotta go finish online school. Today, I take my final exam and I’m done :D
Before I can begin talking about this irrelevant, yet very relevant first time, i must first explain my day. Why? I don’t know, just because.
So today started out like any other day: cleaned, took a shower, ate a quick bite and went to church. But strangely, I haven’t been feeling good lately; too tired I guess, especially after last night’s pachanga. Anyhow, I picked up my momma after church and we went to my cousin’s luncheon cause its his birthday today. Before we got out of the car though, my mom was all like “oh and don’t think we’re going to stay here the whole day, we’re just here for a little bit and then we’re leaving”. Cool, no problem with me. THREE HOURS LATER. I kept nudging my mom, insisting I had to leave, cause I did. I have to take my online test but before that I had to buy some measuring cups cause my mom turned on the garbage disposal in the sink and didn’t notice the cups down there (way to go mom). By now, I was really frustrated cause I didn’t want to be there any longer and I just wanted to go home. Whatever. My aunt offered to give her a ride home so I left to the dollar store in a really crappy mood just wanting to buy the cups and leave.
Now, i can begin telling my story~~
The dollar store only had one big measuring cup and not the individual sets, so I decided to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond, which I never do, but it seemed like the appropriate place. I foundd what I needed, but then I went to the wall to check some other things out but I ended not picking anything. So I walk through this aisle and I see the shade of a red shirt but I can’t tell cause I’m not looking up so I keep walking and the employee (who happens to be male) asks me whether i need anything, but I don’t so I just say no I'm good thanks. I noticed he was pretty cute but come on, why would anyone find me interesting? I keep walking. He then asks me, “Do you come here often?”. One of the cheesiest pickup lines I have ever heard, but at the time in my mind “pickup line” was far from it. So my dumbass self responds, “No, only one time.”. Who the heck says that?? WHOOOO???????
And then I awkwardly and embarrassingly walk away.
I will forever be alone.
First time someone, who is incredibly attractive, actually notices me, says something and I JUST BASICALLY DROOL.
Why?
Because I have INSANITY!!!! Lol. Not literally insane as in mentally handicapped, but the workout program! I’ve been wanting to finish losing the weight that I’ve been putting off for the last year or so, but I hate going to the gym. Now that I have this program, I’m going to definitely try to stay on top of things and hopefully get the results I need.
Can’t wait for Monday. Can’t wait :D
And then, wait for May 8th.
(I know I haven’t been updating for a while now, but I just have so many things going on right now. I will for sure start logging results and things going on in my life, which isn’t that interesting, very VERY soon)
xoxo
Taureans have a love as deep and as warm as mother earth. They root themselves into the soil, but it does not mean that they’re unchanging. Like trees, they blow in the wind and touch the sky. Like flowers, they turn their heads to the sun. Taureans have strong aesthetic tastes, and when they choose to pursue music or art, they will discover they have great talents, and the determination and patience to improve their craft. The animal associated with their sign is the bull, after “the bull of heaven”, also known as the Egyptian god, Horus. Like a bull, Taurus can be headstrong and stubborn, deeply rooting themselves deeper into the ground when pushed, and because they love so deeply, they have the tendency to become jealous. But a Taurean in good zen is the most gentle and peaceful soul you can come across. They live perfectly in the moment, sucking the sweet marrow out of life, and enjoying the universe’s simple comforts and pleasures.
I love starbucks even more, now more than ever.
I went today because that was the location of our meeting to finish a project, and as I was drinking my drink, THE SWELL SEASON CAME ON<333333333333333333333
I’m gonna visit often now. VERY often. :3
Today was…interesting; I didn’t expect any of it.
First period, whatever. Third, I had a substitute teacher so all we had to do was read over an article on Mozambique and then talk about it in a one-page essay. But before the bell even rang for third, Leeane came in with a bag of goodies and she handed Lindsay and I a bag and box of baked goods (YUM!!!). The box one had my name cutout into cookies! I was/am really happy, haha. All of a sudden, Lindsay got really bad cramps and didn’t have any midol on her. it was so bad that she started crying and I felt really bad cause I couldn’t do anything about it. Cynthia suggested to go to the clinic, so we did. Once we got there, I dunno, I couldn’t just say “peace, feel better, or not.” so I stayed with her til lunch time, AND I DIDN’T FINISH MY DAMN ESSAY. Which I was gonna finish in fifth, but I didn’t have time so now I’m probably gonna get a Z on it, unless my teacher lets me turn it in late >.< But as long as Lindsay had some company and wasn’t all alone in some dark corner crying by herself, it was all good. And maybe she wanted to be alone, maybe she wanted me to leave, but it didn’t seem like the right thing to do.
During fifth, Kens gave me some goodies that Andrea had for me. WOOP! This year was better than last year’s valentine, which I forgot what I did? Oh yeah, my great-grandmother died (may she rest in peace).
And now, to finish online fucking school, calculus homework, ap environmental and nursing etc
My life be like woah
so its only a matter of time before I get third-degree burns, right?
Oh sweet Lord.
That’s right today’s Shelby’s partaaay, and guess whose gonna be there? NOT ME. A
Actually, the party started a minute ago, and my mother decides that its tooooo far and she has to big of a headache to take me.
\m/
Cool. I should do online school…
Sex & the city + food > online school
- T. A.
This sums up my day basically. Maybe my life.
I can sit here all day and listen to bon iver; listen to his beautiful voice forever and ever, without stopping, without taking a break. And I’ll always love him. Always.
But I have to do homework.
It’s been a long long time since I memorized your face…
I have so much to say…yet no words come to mind.
San Francisco was incredibly wonderful, and I wish I had the energy to talk about it but I must continue with my priorities.
I really do need a nap. Maybe I’ll take one later. I’ll write something more interesting later.
…and words are futile devices.
Totally bombed that test…with a 69 ;o ALMOST THERE, BY ONE DAMN POINT.
And I really liked that chapter too…oh well, I’ll study harder for my final exam.
I think I did much better this time around (except calculus ._.) But next semester will be even BETTER!
I was about to bake some coffee cupcakes and then i decided to make half the recipe: OKAY. Well, I guess half way through I forgot and instead of 1 1/2 eggs i put in the 3 and now…my coffee cupcakes taste like eggs. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
She’s the greatest; I’m so lucky to even know her. She reminds me of Mary from the movie “There’s something about Mary”. Everyone loves her and you can’t help it. She radiates this sunshine from just her smile and you want to get to know her just by looking at her cause you know she’ll never ever hurt you. She’s so nice to everyone and sometimes you wonder whether you’re just another friend or she really finds you special.
I wish we were closer…to be more like her. She literally brightens up your day just by one text saying a simple hello. And when she says how are you? You know she means it and she wants to know, not like others who simply say it because they feel its mandatory.
She’s the greatest. There’s just something about Aby.
After Ana and Stephanie left, I started talking to Leanne and Kensley again and it was just comments here and there, some laughs. Then out of nowhere this guy that was sitting with us called me and asked me why i wasn’t joining in and why everyone was laughing but yet I chose to stay quiet and not smile. I froze, I didn’t know what to do. My first instinct was to get up and go to class since it was time to go anyway, and so I did. I felt like I had committed a crime and they were all accusing me, waiting for me to plead guilty. So i looked around and said “okay…well…uhh…I'll see you later guys…”
Now they probably think I’m some freak; why would I just run off like that without giving an easy answer like “oh, its nothing kind stranger. just thinking about all the loads of work i have to get done.”
Hmm…I will forever be awkward.
Taurus
You need security more than most people -- emotional, financial and all manner of other kinds. Today is a good day to solidify what you've got and make sure that you feel good about the near-term future.
okay….whatever that means.
I want a couch in my room. A really cool one. Maybe I can convince my mom to get me a futon or something so I can have a couch by day and a…couch by night, who needs a bed? NOT ME. I have this really fancy schmancy antique bed but Its toooo big and takes up toooo much space in my room, so I think a futon is very much appreciated. My mom will probably say no though, she’ll guilt me into keeping the one I have now.
Bummer.
I took one today for TWO HOURS and it was only supposed to last 15 minutes, according to my schedule. But lately I haven’t been following my schedule so obviously things are going to have to change!
I have a math test tomorrow, AP environmental test AND I'm finally going to the nursing home, exciting eh?
Then I come home…to nothing. To the lonely days of my life. Lol, sounds pretty dramatic, but its not. No biggy. I’ll probably bake tomorrow I hope and then Thursday will come by and THREE DAY WEEKEND. WOOOOOOOOOH.
Now, If only I could concentrate on this irrelevant homework.
All in all, it was an okay year. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t entirely too shabby.
It started off with me watching 50 first dates, one of my top 5, and The notebook. And then the year slowly drifted on into a whole bunch of scenarios that didn’t seem too important at the time, but now looking back I realize that it definitely took a toll on me.
I forgave Lesther. Or maybe I already had a while ago, but we finally talked face to face. He said I was his sister and he never meant to hurt me, but he did and brothers protect there own, which he didn’t. I told him that things would never be the same and when I walked out I thought that that was the end to everything. Closure is what it was. Closure on unanswered questions, doubts, worries,…closure on part of my past. Even after everything, I forgive him and although I won’t admit it out loud, I do love him and I do wish him the best. Lately, things have been good between us. We acknowledge each other, a few laughs here and there, I talk to his girlfriend and everything seems to be under control.
My aunt Lucy died. To this day, things still don’t click in my head and her death doesn’t make sense to me. She was so young and beautiful and had the most caring heart that I had never thought possible. She would call me every birthday even though we was thousands of miles away and she would always make sure I was doing okay. But now she’s gone…all she’s left behind is a carved tombstone with her name and unwanted tears of pain. I will miss you so much. I’m never going to let go, because you will always be in my heart; most of all that smile and laugh of yours that would leave me gazing for hours.
New friendships and old friendships came into question. Would the old ones last? Would the new ones stick around? I still wonder, but I have an idea of where this is going.
2010 i succeeded in distancing myself from my family and I tried to keep them away as much as possible. But I realized, thanks to Dennis, that family is important. No matter what, we’re in this together and nothing will keep us apart. This weekend was incredible and I had so much fun with all of them. I hope that this year this bond only gets stronger. If only we all lived closer and together, I would have a blast with them all of the time and not only on special occasions. But oh well, this just makes me try harder in striving to stay together.
Last year was also a slack year in the education department. I tried to stick to the same unfocused plan that I’d always carry, but I have come to realize that things have changed and that I’m no longer dealing with childish situations. Everything I do now impacts my future and I have to get up and take charge.
To end this long and not brief post, this year will be all about my happiness, the people that do matter, and my education. I need to focus on myself especially, which i never do, and learn how to be content being all myself (relationship wise).
Farewell to 2010 and to the old me, and cheers to the new year and upgraded version of myself.
Maria A Rivera
Omg…I’m a stupid little girl.
I let it all get to my head and then BAM I get carried away into this bungalow of fantasies and in the end it didn’t even mean anything. I knew deep down that it was unreal and that I was over thinking things, but I fell anyways. And now I feel dirty.
He has a girlfriend.
And I refuse to be a home wrecker, or anything related to that phrase.
MORE than the usual.
Why?
My dad just called me. AS IN MY ACTUAL DAD. I don’t understand. Why do you care all of a sudden?
I wasn’t gonna answer. Actually, I didn’t, but it was cause I didn’t know who it was. Then I heard the voicemail and I said hey, why not? So I called him back and then he started talking to me like we were BFF ready to catch up and go grab a bite to eat. Now he want’s to hang out this weekend? WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Should I say that I already have plans and cancel or should I just say okay and meet up?
Maybe I will say yes…to show him that I am not into petty fights and that I am mature about this….
I cannot believe I just ditched Yoel and mini gulfing to do some homework.
THIS BETTER PAY OFF.
Tumblr isn’t what it used to be. All people do now is reblog pictures. WHERE ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND IDEAS?!
last blog. ever. or at least for a LONG time.
why? because I’m moving on.
I made a new blog…one for a fresh start.
it was nice typing.
</3
So in my 16 years of experience, I’ve learned one important lesson. Don’t let yourself down. Don’t put yourself down.
Be happy. Love yourself. Care for yourself.
in the end…if you don’t love yourself, who ever will?
yep…
gotta go, mother awaits
happy (adjective)
delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing
characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy
favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky
apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
i am happy. im not content. im not almost satisfied. im all of the things above.
I couldn’t ask for more..i really couldn’t have.
I ended up not going to Dennys, but my mom showed up with a cake ;) so that ended up being my 4th one! And Winter gave me a birthday cake CANDLE since she didn’t have a cake to offer. I spent watching spongebob episodes with my aunt, uncle, cousins and best friend, then me and Winter went shopping. After that I went to Subway, which was where I noticed i lost $20 :( But….ah, who I am kidding. Theres no brightside.
Anywho…it was a weird, unexpected yet amazing birthday.
i don’t know what im feeling.
i am siiiiiiixxteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I think about things I really don’t wanna know
On a brighter note, my friends are amazing and I love each and every one of them <3
Stephanie bought me a cake, which I plan on devouring later on.
Anita made me a card AND baked me a cake.
Cynthia bought me cupcake cake and gave me hersheys (aw yeah)
Anabel made me this super cool robot which I named Chester
and just all the happy birthdays and hugs and laughs have made it a great day.
i wonder what Winter got me…she’s on her way right now.
I don’t know if we’re gonna go bombard Denny’s or just stay home and watch Casablanca..either way..I would like to thank God, Jesus, Mary and all holy people upstairs for this amazing life I’ve had so far.
I don’t know who to unwind with so I guess I’ll just blog about it.
This has been the weirdest birthday EVER. Usually (within my family), everyone seems to forget that something happens on April 20th. Or they call at a certain time of the day where they KNOW I’m not gonna answer so the call can go straight to voicemail and avoid a 2 minute conversation with me.
But this year? My uncle Pablo called TWO days before my birthday, sent me TWO texts today and called me FIVE times before I finally answered. How is it weird? He called me last year on the 25th “thinking” it was the 20th and said Happy birthday..OH, and at my birthday party he said he had my birthday present “at home” so he’d' give it to me later. Apparently, he still remembered so he’s gonna give it to me later on.
My uncle Miguel, which I love but I’m not so close to, called me a day BEFORE my birthday and called me at a time which I DO answer phone calls…strange..
My aunt which has been completely ignoring me for the past few months decided to leave me a tender voicemail. I thought she didn’t care so I didn’t call her for her birthday yesterday. Ooops.
My uncle, who hates me and never hides it, called me today nonstop til i picked up and said he wanted to come “visit” me and was “dissapointed” that he I wasn’t doing anything today.
This could go on but I’m not gonna write a 5-page essay.
THE POINT OF THE STORY: No ones ever cared that much. EVER. I’ve always tried hard to gain my family’s respect and try to be somebody, to not feel like an outsider but nothing ever worked. The year I stop trying and just stop caring they decide to care. I just don’t get it. Why now? Why all of a sudden?
one day before my birthday.
yay.
somehow..i don’t feel excited as I normally should..it just doesn’t FEEL like my birthday. i’ve been waiting for it throughout the whole year…and well…nothing.
Cynthia bought me a cupcake cake and it was delicious, and i was overwhelmed…til she covered my face with frosting D:
IM GONNA GET HER BACK, JUST WAIT.
and now tomorrow.
the big day.
the day i turn SIXTEEN.
wow.
i can’t believe it…
I just finished reading The Choice, by Nicholas Sparks, and honestly it was the best book I’ve read by him. It felt..real. Like I could actually see me doing something like that. BUT, I hate the part that all his love stories have this thing where the main characters fall in love in 2-3 days. Wth.
3 more days til my birfdai.
“Maria: i love how you build up your stories, and then when you do tell them it really was like a five second story”
Part of my charm. <3
If I leave to S.A.S i will with no doubt miss a whole bunch of people I will never forget. Making a decision will be one of the hardest things, but in the end it’ll be what's best for me.
To the man upstairs, if your reading this right now, I need a sign.. PLEASE?
signed,
Desperate and Conflicted
“I will miss your amazing taste in music and your witty responses to life's unanswered questions.”
Oh God, I’m going to miss you. I wish I were closer to you.
You know the depressive feeling men usually have and then that feeling makes them go to bars and drink all night to even more depressive music?
That’s exactly how I feel. Except without the depressive music. Well..its playing in my head, but I don’t think it counts..?
great.
i wonder if anyone out there would love to cheer me up :(
I deleted all my comments on MySpace right now..and..it made me remember all the good old days and how much i miss Allison and wishing we were still close. But life goes on. I’m tired of living in the past and I’m tired of thinking about the future. All i want to do is think about right now and right now only.
I’ve worn so many masks. Trying to fit in..trying to be like others..trying to be accepted. I’ve worn so many masks I lost myself in the process. Who am I? I won’t wear a mask this time. This one might take a while to make and it might take a while to get all the pieces right. But this time, I’m going to get it right.
…especially when they’re word problems. So i decided to read them in this weird accent, but it only made it worse cause I didn’t understand my weird accent so it took DOUBLE effort –__-
tomorrow, I’m going to the office during 1st period and I’m gonna ask for a community service packet. Hopefully, I grow some balls overnight.
now on to French hw D:
so…Boy Meets World is NOT on at 6am..it starts til 7am: what a bummer :/. i was SO EXCITED.
oh well..
Why do you like living in this area?
HA! I’m only here because I’m a minor and my mother has power over me. I mean, I don’t mind it; its peaceful at sometimes. It’s just not where I picture myself to be. And I love my mom, I do, so I don’t blame her…i guess?
After watching this movie, I will try my hardest never to judge anyone under any circumstances. We can see and hear so many things…but those things are never certain.
The power of Greed and Lust will never satisfy a hungry pig. – Maria R.
I was walking home from school today and these people were just simply welding pieces of metal together; somehow the smell got to me. It reminded me of Nicaragua and how much I miss it.
“Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever Im with you”
Name one thing that not many people know about you.
I LOVE sewing. Most kids usually ask for ps3’s or x-box 36o’s, but i ask for a sewing machine, fabric and anything else related to it. When I’m stressed out I usually like staying in my room tearing apart my clothes and starting from scratch or maybe just getting fabric and trying to make something new. I like designing things? Like dresses and shirts..sometimes skirts. I don’t think I want to be a designer, but we’ll see.
:)
So, I’m gonna start remembering stuff before I forget. What do I mean exactly? I’m going to answer questions…just basic ones. Day by day, a different question.
What is your earliest memory?
Hmm..I think it’d have to be my 5th birthday party. Everyone that I loved was there. EVERYONE. It was at the beach so after I got out of the water I wore this red dress and I couldn’t help but smile with my toothless gap. My cousin and I share the same birthday so we collaborated. I remember I fell asleep with my beach clothes on and woke up extra early that morning just because my aunt was gonna give me this doll I had seen her talk about for a while . I was so excited and nothing ruined my day. I even got this chalkboard I had waited for so long(I wanted to be a teacher when I was little).
:) <3
How am I supposed to be myself if quite frankly I don’t know who I am?
For so long, walking on unknown territory. This child skipped through everything it came across. No one taught it to be a child, it just assumed it was doing what was supposed to be done. No one taught it to learn how to get a good education, it just assumed from looking at the crowd. The child doesn’t blame it’s guardian, what's the need to? All the guardian ever did was try to be better and make a living for them both. So the child moves on. Now the child a young adult stuck in the body of a toddler. Not because of it’s immaturity, but because it was never taught what to do. It was left alone and everyone just assumed the child knew what to do..as if it was born lost.
*bangs head on computer. incessantly*
daily routine:
wake up
go to school
come back home
do homework –sorta-
watch tv – sorta-
talk to friend(s)
go to sleep
LIFE ISNT MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS!! i feel like im missing something D:
hmm….im gonna start interacting with the real world or im. gonna. die.
-_____________________________-
btw, i have decided to become a pescatarian.
but only for TWO WEEKS. im gonna see if it works out..
tata
Sitting here…typing..when I should be doing homework…procrastination at its best. My grandma’s here and so is my sister, and I just finished watching the Proposal with my little cousins, very nice :-). But now back to the real world.
My sister’s a fatty pants. How does she not get fat?
Any who, Open Mic was a week ago and one of my friends wrote this unbelievably amazing poem and I thought I should share it here with the rest of the world. Btw, it’s good to have Barry White in the background as your reading this..just a thought ;)
(Title Not Available)
I love her…
As the sun and the flowers do each other…
But a careless whisper ruined our reunion…
To try to see myself through her eyes…
To be on both sides of the fence…
To see why things happened the way they did…
To attempt to pick up the pieces left behind by a careless whisper….
Who is she you ask…
That I would go to such lengths for her…
She’s…
She’s more than what I deserve…
She’s more than what I could have hoped for…
She’s almost every time just out of my reach…
She’s my other half…
Like the radiant stars in the blunt night sky…
She’s the world…
Ugh. Once again, doom has arrived. My whole plan to watch Netflix during spring break FAILED. And I’m sitting here typing when there is clearly no internet.
PATHETIC!
i need to start on my diet D:
