P.S.

OH, and I'm having this delicious Pumpkin Spice Bagel for Breakfast and HOLY SHIT IT'S SO GOOD.

Alright.

Sitting, thinking, wishing

SO, um,.....I have a job. A real paying working job, and it's at one of the coolest places EVER. No, not the Starbucks one (they obviously realized I was too good for them), but at the new Panera Bread opening in Homestead!!!!! *insert jumping, screaming, clapping here*

I got so blessed to get this job. Why? My mom and I were on our way to go apartment hunting (yes, we're thinking about moving, again) and we passed by Panera. I was surprised to see people inside so I made a note of going to ask later about a job since I had applied last week. As soon as I got there, I was freaking out. My throat was killing me and my body was sore. I had to give it a try, though. As I was reaching the door this guy came out and turns out he was the manager! I told him I had applied online and he said to follow him. I got a job interview right on the spot and he said he definitely felt the energy that Panera needed :-) and that he would call me if they were interested. (Later, I found out that there was a big red stain on my ass from my period and I got so worried) BUT, GUESS WHO GOT CALLED AT 9:30PM? He told me to go in at noon the next day and I was like HELL YEAH (not really, but I was really excited)!!!! I went in at noon and he basically told me I got the job but that I had to get the uniform before the training at 4 (mind you, training had started the day before so I was already a day behind, as usual). It was 12:30ish so I picked up Diana and off to shopping we went. We managed to get everything in time and then came home, fixed myself, ate and then off to my job I went.

I was freaking out but I promised myself I wouldn't try to befriend anyone regardless of my initial impression of them. Turns out, Annibelle works there!! It's so nice to know that I know someone there even if we weren't best friends at least it makes things a little more comfortable. Everyone was super nice nice and friendly and I got the hang of cashiering pretty quickly. I made sure I asked questions no matter how stupid they were. We had a meeting at 11pm and then we took home all the food that was made and leftoever (WHICH WAS A LOT). I found out, though, throughout the day that everyone was hired more than 3 weeks ago. That means they've had time to practice the menu and go through orientation and learn all the ingredients ahead of time. The opening of the store is on TUESDAY and today is SATURDAY. No biggie, though, right? ._____.

I still haven't signed a formal contract or have an official cool name tag or have any kind of information on how the Panera Bread corporation pays, so I'm going to go in at 3pm to find out all that mumbo jumbo. Maybe 2:30pm, I don't know. I'm just so happyyyyyyy I got a job and that God's taking the wheel from me :')

Now I have to go make my lesson plan for today and hope for the best :x

Times are a changin'

My uncle has this old-fashioned idea that guys are supposed to play they role just as much as girls play there role. For example, guys can be man whores and change a car's oil, while a girl has to be prim and proper and have dinner ready. Some of his thoughts have changed over time (I mean, the guy did teach me how to drive stick, sort of lol) but his roots are still there.

I'm bringing this up because he mentioned this when we were talking about Jose, my ex-boyfriend. Yes, I'm single now. Been single for over a week! I haven't cried much, not like with Casey anyway, but it has been...different. Not in a good or bad way, just different. I'm still trying to get used to the whole college lifestyle and it can get overwhelming sometimes, especially since I wanna do so much, but I know I'll get the hang of it soon. I just need to work on my time management and my priorities.

Why did I break up with Jose? Because everyone was right: you can't get to know someone for two weeks. My romance heated up in a matter of seconds, and just as it heat up, it heated away. I can't forget how perfect it felt and it seemed, but usually when something is too good to be true it usually is. I realized that he wasn't what I thought he was. Not just that, but that he was exactly what I was afraid of. I grew close to him so easily, but I guess I was just expecting too much from him. I will continue to say that the hardest thing I will ever do is give someone my all. It did feel right at one point, but I couldn't picture us doing anything but sitting on a couch watching tv. I want more than that, and there's nothing wrong with wanting more. Things will work for the best so I'm not worried about that. God has me covered :-)

God. Dad. I feel so far away from you lately. It's late and it's cold and I've stayed out for too long, I'm sorry I don't know why I'm so stubborn, but I'm coming back inside.

Christmas is coming!!!!! Fall is nearby! Times are a changin'.

Late night thoughts

I'm not happy. I have to finally admit that to myself. Am I ever gonna be happy?

Honestly, right now I should be alone. Think about myself and all of the changes I want to make in my life. Before things get too hectic and before one of us gets fed up with how the situation has been going, I think we need to put an end to it. I love you, I do. But maybe we fell in love too fast. Maybe we didn't. Whatever it is, I think we're at a time in our lives where we both need to grow, without anybody. Everything was perfect in the summer, and now I'm tired of fighting. We both have goals and they won't get accomplished if we keep arguing with each other. We're expecting too much and it's not healthy, for either of us. I wish we could stay friends because you're a great human being and I'd hate to lose you, but as a couple I don't think we should do this anymore and we should get out before it's too late.

I want to do so much. Read. Travel. Explore. Drink coffee. Meet new people. And I'm afraid I won't get that with you.

I keep looking at the flowers you gave me and it sucks. They're so beautiful, but I can't do this anymore.

Reasons why I wanna stay with you:

1. You're funny.
2. You're silly.
3. The way you never wanna let me go before we say goodbye.
4. The way you get jealous.
5. When we argue in a cute way
6. The way you love all my little flaws (i.e. my big cheeks)
7. You like the way my hair smells
8. You're cute.
9. You have so much potential
10. You always push me when I need to be pushed 
11. You go after what you want

Reasons why I have to let you go:

1. We keep arguing and it hasn't stopped.
2. I want to grow as a person
3. I want more
4. I'm not as happy as I used to be
5. The way you get jealous.
6.  You don't push me when I need to be pushed
7. I can't picture a future with you, and i've tried
8. You're lazy
9. Hardly have any innitiative
10. Not too ambitious or passionate
11. You don't wanna believe in God

I was told today, from someone that's always searching for something new, that it is possible to constantly want to search for something new with a significant other.

^^ I can't remember the last time I posted something, but here's a picture of moi.There's so much going on in my head and I've been meaning to post here but I just haven't found the time. What better, though, than on a Saturday morning while I have my cup of coffee.

Well, I started college. I know, CRAZY, but it's really not as stressful as I had imagined. With time management and my full attention I know I'll be fine :) I've met some pretty amazing people: Chantal, Alejandra, Javier, Ken. And of course, I've still kept in touch with my old friends: Anabel, Diana, Ana, Alyssa, Roxanne, Lindsay, Zae, among others. Oh, and I have a boyfriend now, Jose. We're going through a rough patch so I don't really know where it's going but everything will work out for the best. God has never been so present in my life as he is now. He's my center and he shall remain that way for a while.

It hit me right now, I want to learn so much. I want to be cultured. I want to explore. I can't wait til I see the Grand Canyon or Yosemite National Park. But since I'm living forr today, I guess I'll start by doing Trig HW lol and maybe catch up on some reading! I FEEL ALIVE.

I feel reawakened and I won't waste a minute of it.

Here's a better picture of me (haha):

Anyway, I went to LA with Ana banana. Have I mentioned that before? Went for a week, by ourselves, with no one to guide us. We got lost on buses, trains, walking and at one point almost getting attacked by homeless people. It was an eye-opening experience and I'm glad I got the opportuniity to go. I learned so much and I can't wait to start my own collection of places I want to travel to. EEEEEEP. For now, I'll just keep fantasizing and daydreaming o:)

That's it for now, I promise to keep myself updated.