It was a normal night for most. Studying for some, Calle 13 concert in Ecuador for others, but I spent my night empty and crying. Why? Let’s go back to where I left off from yesterday.
Right after I wrote my last post, I rushed to my room and got ready for my church rehearsal. I got there a little bit later than was said cause my mom was out buying some rick milk (WHICH IS SO TASTY) and was stuck in traffic ._. Anyways, I went to my best friend and she said happy birthday and continued her conversation on the phone. Then after a while rehearsal started and off we were. All of a sudden, I started feeling really crappy. Like an outsider in my own body. It’s not as if someone forced those emotions on me, or did anything wrong to make me feel that way, I just felt really lonely. Diana was with “Juan” and this other girl cause thats who she’s doing the skit with and then I was behind them cause I don’t mind being by myself. After a while, I think I started getting upset at the fact that I didn’t wanna feel like that on my own birthday and it only made things worse. Then once the rehearsal was over, I asked Diana again if she had wanted to come to my house to eat some cake and I sounded a little less enthusiastic cause I was feeling crappy and I didn’t want anyone over but I had already asked her before so I didn’t wanna be mean. But then she made it sound like she didnt ask her mom cause i never fully “asked her” and i told her it was because she didnt sound interested blah blah blah. The point is: she was distancing herself from me all night because on facebook on everyones wall posts i would write cute little comments and when I got to hers, which she spammed my wall, all i put was “i love you” and that she felt stupid for writing all that because it didnt even matter to me. WTF. Thats not even how I felt, not at all. I was actually really happy that she took the time to spam my walll –__-
It was really stupid. I Then as soon as she got it out of her system, she felt better and it was all good and we should move on. NO. ITS NOT GOOD. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Which only made me feel worse and I wanted to cry right then and there. But I got to my moms car, and then the tears just came out. My mom asked me if she was coming and i told her no cause her mom was already there. And then my mom told me that her friend had made me a cake. I felt really bad cause I wasn’t in the mood. I got home and I saw the cake and I just went to my room and called her. She was already moved on, but I wasn’t. I didn’t understand, or I did but I wasn’t processing anything at all. I said I was frustrated and I would call her back in 30 minutes. I went straight to the floor and started crying. My mom came to my room and its like she knew we were fighting. We went to her room and I explained to her that I wasn’t even crying because of her, which in the end I wasn’t. I was crying because I felt empty, because I diddn’t wanna feel empty. My mom comforted me for a while and we talked a lot and I like it when we talk because she makes me feel so much better. I love her to death, and I hate that I don’t show her my love towards her most of the time, thats just how I am. It’s hard for me. Which is one thing we’re similar in.
Once I couldn’t cry anymore we went out to cut my cake and I took pictures and that was that. I still felt empty, but I tried to make the most out of my night. After all, I only had less than an hour left til the night was over.
I danced. I laughed at myself and i went to bed.
And that was that.
