goodbye

last blog. ever. or at least for a LONG time.

why? because I’m moving on.

I made a new blog…one for a fresh start.

it was nice typing.

</3

the voice of a new woman..sorta

So in my 16 years of experience, I’ve learned one important lesson. Don’t let yourself down. Don’t put yourself down.

Be happy. Love yourself. Care for yourself.

in the end…if you don’t love yourself, who ever will?

yep…

gotta go, mother awaits

im…happy.

happy (adjective)

delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy

favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.

i am happy. im not content. im not almost satisfied. im all of the things above.

I couldn’t ask for more..i really couldn’t have.

I ended up not going to Dennys, but my mom showed up with a cake ;) so that ended up being my 4th one! And Winter gave me a  birthday cake CANDLE since she didn’t have a cake to offer. I spent watching spongebob episodes with my aunt, uncle, cousins and best friend, then me and Winter went shopping. After that I went to Subway, which was where I noticed i lost $20 :( But….ah, who I am kidding. Theres no brightside.

Anywho…it was a weird, unexpected yet amazing birthday.

 

 

I AM OFFICIALLY 16.

9:26PM<3

hmm..

i don’t know what im feeling.

 

f yes.

frigging APRIL 20TH, 2010.

i am siiiiiiixxteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

I think about things I really don’t wanna know

~

~

sixteen candles

On a brighter note, my friends are amazing and I love each and every one of them <3

Stephanie bought me a cake, which I plan on devouring later on.

Anita made me a card AND baked me a cake.

Cynthia bought me cupcake cake and gave me hersheys (aw yeah)

Anabel made me this super cool robot which I named Chester

 

and just all the happy birthdays and hugs and laughs have made it a great day.

i wonder what Winter got me…she’s on her way right now.

I don’t know if we’re gonna go bombard Denny’s or just stay home and watch Casablanca..either way..I would like to thank God, Jesus, Mary and all holy people upstairs for this amazing life I’ve had so far.

sweet sixteen?

 

I don’t know who to unwind with so I guess I’ll just blog about it.

This has been the weirdest birthday EVER. Usually (within my family), everyone seems to forget that something happens on April 20th. Or they call at a certain time of the day where they KNOW I’m not gonna answer so the call can go straight to voicemail and avoid a 2 minute conversation with me.

But this year? My uncle Pablo called TWO days before my birthday, sent me TWO texts today and called me FIVE times before I finally answered. How is it weird? He called me last year on the 25th “thinking” it was the 20th and said Happy birthday..OH, and at my birthday party he said he had my birthday present “at home” so he’d' give it to me later. Apparently, he still remembered so he’s gonna give it to me later on.

My uncle Miguel, which I love but I’m not so close to, called me a day BEFORE my birthday and called me at a time which I DO answer phone calls…strange..

My aunt which has been completely ignoring me for the past few months decided to leave me a tender voicemail. I thought she didn’t care so I didn’t call her for her birthday yesterday. Ooops.

My uncle, who hates me and never hides it, called me today nonstop til i picked up and said he wanted to come “visit” me and was “dissapointed” that he I wasn’t doing anything today.

This could go on but I’m not gonna write a 5-page essay.

THE POINT OF THE STORY: No ones ever cared that much. EVER. I’ve always tried hard to gain my family’s respect and try to be somebody, to not feel like an outsider but nothing ever worked. The year I stop trying and just stop caring they decide to care. I just don’t get it. Why now? Why all of a sudden?

en el dia de hoy

one day before my birthday.

yay.

somehow..i don’t feel excited as I normally should..it just doesn’t FEEL like my birthday. i’ve been waiting for it throughout the whole year…and well…nothing.

Cynthia bought me a cupcake cake and it was delicious, and i was overwhelmed…til she covered my face with frosting D:

IM GONNA GET HER BACK, JUST WAIT.

and now tomorrow.

the big day.

the day i turn SIXTEEN.

wow.

i can’t believe it…

Today

I just finished reading The Choice, by Nicholas Sparks, and honestly it was the best book I’ve read by him. It felt..real. Like I could actually see  me doing something like that. BUT, I hate the part that all his love stories have this thing where the main characters fall in love in 2-3 days. Wth.

3 more days til my birfdai.

windel

“Maria: i love how you build up your stories, and then when you do tell them it really was like a five second story”

Part of my charm. <3

Ernest Hemingway

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”

.

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

-Napoleon Hill

rmec…sas…?

If I leave to S.A.S i will with no doubt miss a whole bunch of people I will never forget. Making a decision will be one of the hardest things, but in the end it’ll be what's best for me.

 

To the man upstairs, if your reading this right now, I need a sign.. PLEASE?

signed,

Desperate and Conflicted

farewell from a friend

 

“I will miss your amazing taste in music and your witty responses to life's unanswered questions.”

Oh God, I’m going to miss you. I wish I were closer to you.

dun dun dun!

You know the depressive feeling men usually have and then that feeling makes them go to bars and drink all night to even more depressive music?

That’s exactly how I feel. Except without the depressive music. Well..its playing in my head, but I don’t think it counts..?

great.

i wonder if anyone out there would love to cheer me up :(

 

i hope i get it right this time

 

I deleted all my comments on MySpace right now..and..it made me remember all the good old days and how much i miss Allison and wishing we were still close. But life goes on. I’m tired of living in the past and I’m tired of thinking about the future. All i want to do is think about right now and right now only.

 

I’ve worn so many masks. Trying to fit in..trying to be like others..trying to be accepted. I’ve worn so many masks I lost myself in the process. Who am I? I won’t wear a mask this time. This one might take a while to make and it might take a while to get all the pieces right. But this time, I’m going to get it right.

math hw sucks…

…especially when they’re word problems. So i decided to read them in this weird accent, but it only made it worse cause I didn’t understand my weird accent so it took DOUBLE effort –__-

 

tomorrow, I’m going to the office during 1st period and I’m gonna ask for a community service packet. Hopefully, I grow some balls overnight.

 

now on to French hw D:

fudge nuggets D;

so…Boy Meets World is NOT on at 6am..it starts til 7am: what a bummer :/. i was SO EXCITED.

oh well..

 

“if that’s my sin, then i’m guilty..”

i love antique

 

facts

Why do you like living in this area?

HA! I’m only here because I’m a minor and my mother has power over me. I mean, I don’t mind it; its peaceful at sometimes. It’s just not where I picture myself to be. And I love my mom, I do, so I don’t blame her…i guess?

 

 

The Stoning of Soraya M.

 

After watching this movie, I will try my hardest never to judge anyone under any circumstances. We can see and hear so many things…but those things are never certain.

The power of Greed and Lust will never satisfy a hungry pig. – Maria R.

good evening

facts

 

Name three exotic countries you would like to visit

1. -Brazil
2. -Egypt
3. -Morroco

home

 

I was walking home from school today and these people were just simply welding pieces of metal together; somehow the smell got to me. It reminded me of Nicaragua and how much I miss it.

 

“Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever Im with you”

facts.

 

Name one thing that not many people know about you.

I LOVE sewing. Most kids usually ask for ps3’s or x-box 36o’s, but i ask for a sewing machine, fabric and anything else related to it. When I’m stressed out I usually like staying in my room tearing apart my clothes and starting from scratch or maybe just getting fabric and trying to make something new. I like designing things? Like dresses and shirts..sometimes skirts. I don’t think I want to be a designer, but we’ll see.

:)

The 411

 

So, I’m gonna start remembering stuff before I forget. What do I mean exactly? I’m going to answer questions…just basic ones. Day by day, a different question.

 

What is your earliest memory?

Hmm..I think it’d have to be my 5th birthday party. Everyone that I loved was there. EVERYONE. It was at the beach so after I got out of the water I wore this red dress and I couldn’t help but smile with my toothless gap.  My cousin and I share the same birthday so we collaborated. I remember I fell asleep with my beach clothes on and woke up extra early that morning just because my aunt was gonna give me this doll I had seen her talk about for a while . I was so excited and nothing ruined my day. I even got this chalkboard I had waited for so long(I wanted to be a teacher when I was little).

:) <3

on the journery

 

How am I supposed to be myself if quite frankly I don’t know who I am?

For so long, walking on unknown territory. This child skipped through everything it came across. No one taught it to be a child, it just assumed it was doing what was supposed to be done. No one taught it to learn how to get a good education, it just assumed from looking at the crowd. The child doesn’t blame it’s guardian, what's the need to? All the guardian ever did was try to be better and make a living for them both. So the child moves on. Now the child a young adult stuck in the body of a toddler. Not because of it’s immaturity, but because it was never taught what to do.  It was left alone and everyone just assumed the child knew what to do..as if it was born lost.

sklfjlprl;dfkl;t

*bangs head on computer. incessantly*

daily routine:

wake up

go to school

come back home

do homework –sorta-

watch tv – sorta-

talk to friend(s)

go to sleep

LIFE ISNT MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS!! i feel like im missing something D:

hmm….im gonna start interacting with the real world or im. gonna. die.

 

-_____________________________-

 

btw, i have decided to become a pescatarian.

but only for TWO WEEKS. im gonna see if it works out..

 

tata

internets back!

 

Sitting here…typing..when I should be doing homework…procrastination at its best. My grandma’s here and so is my sister, and I just finished watching the Proposal with my little cousins, very nice :-). But now back to the real world.

My sister’s a fatty pants. How does she not get fat?

Any who, Open Mic was a week ago and one of my friends wrote this unbelievably amazing poem and I thought I should share it here with the rest of the world. Btw, it’s good to have Barry White in the background as your reading this..just a thought ;)

 

(Title Not Available)

 

I love her…

As the sun and the flowers do each other…

But a careless whisper ruined our reunion…

 

To try to see myself through her eyes…

To be on both sides of the fence…

To see why things happened the way they did…

To attempt to pick up the pieces left behind by a careless whisper….

 

Who is she you ask…

That I would go to such lengths for her…

 

She’s…

She’s more than what I deserve…

She’s more than what I could have hoped for…

She’s almost every time just out of my reach…

 

She’s my other half…

Like the radiant stars in the blunt night sky…

She’s the world…

posting with no internet.

 

Ugh. Once again, doom has arrived. My whole plan to watch Netflix during spring break FAILED. And I’m sitting here typing when there is clearly no internet.

PATHETIC!

 

i need to start on my diet D: