back...again.

I always seem to come back...I think I WILL start posting more often from now on, for real this time.

extremely awkward and uncomfortable.

MORE than the usual.

Why?

My dad just called me. AS IN MY ACTUAL DAD. I don’t understand. Why do you care all of a sudden?

I wasn’t gonna answer. Actually, I didn’t, but it was cause I didn’t know who it was. Then I heard the voicemail and I said hey, why not? So I called him back and then he started talking to me like we were BFF ready to catch up and go grab a bite to eat. Now he want’s to hang out this weekend? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Should I say that I already have plans and cancel or should I just say okay and meet up?

Maybe I will say yes…to show him that I am not into petty fights and that I am mature about this….

Its Yoel’s Birthday today

I cannot believe I just ditched Yoel and mini gulfing to do some homework.

THIS BETTER PAY OFF.

I’m Back

Tumblr isn’t what it used to be. All people do now is reblog pictures. WHERE ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND IDEAS?!

Being Erica

Even though it scares you, even though its hard, can you do it?

goodbye

last blog. ever. or at least for a LONG time.

why? because I’m moving on.

I made a new blog…one for a fresh start.

it was nice typing.

</3

the voice of a new woman..sorta

So in my 16 years of experience, I’ve learned one important lesson. Don’t let yourself down. Don’t put yourself down.

Be happy. Love yourself. Care for yourself.

in the end…if you don’t love yourself, who ever will?

yep…

gotta go, mother awaits

im…happy.

happy (adjective)

delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy

favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.

i am happy. im not content. im not almost satisfied. im all of the things above.

I couldn’t ask for more..i really couldn’t have.

I ended up not going to Dennys, but my mom showed up with a cake ;) so that ended up being my 4th one! And Winter gave me a  birthday cake CANDLE since she didn’t have a cake to offer. I spent watching spongebob episodes with my aunt, uncle, cousins and best friend, then me and Winter went shopping. After that I went to Subway, which was where I noticed i lost $20 :( But….ah, who I am kidding. Theres no brightside.

Anywho…it was a weird, unexpected yet amazing birthday.

 

 

I AM OFFICIALLY 16.

9:26PM<3

hmm..

i don’t know what im feeling.

 

f yes.

frigging APRIL 20TH, 2010.

i am siiiiiiixxteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

I think about things I really don’t wanna know

~

~

sixteen candles

On a brighter note, my friends are amazing and I love each and every one of them <3

Stephanie bought me a cake, which I plan on devouring later on.

Anita made me a card AND baked me a cake.

Cynthia bought me cupcake cake and gave me hersheys (aw yeah)

Anabel made me this super cool robot which I named Chester

 

and just all the happy birthdays and hugs and laughs have made it a great day.

i wonder what Winter got me…she’s on her way right now.

I don’t know if we’re gonna go bombard Denny’s or just stay home and watch Casablanca..either way..I would like to thank God, Jesus, Mary and all holy people upstairs for this amazing life I’ve had so far.

sweet sixteen?

 

I don’t know who to unwind with so I guess I’ll just blog about it.

This has been the weirdest birthday EVER. Usually (within my family), everyone seems to forget that something happens on April 20th. Or they call at a certain time of the day where they KNOW I’m not gonna answer so the call can go straight to voicemail and avoid a 2 minute conversation with me.

But this year? My uncle Pablo called TWO days before my birthday, sent me TWO texts today and called me FIVE times before I finally answered. How is it weird? He called me last year on the 25th “thinking” it was the 20th and said Happy birthday..OH, and at my birthday party he said he had my birthday present “at home” so he’d' give it to me later. Apparently, he still remembered so he’s gonna give it to me later on.

My uncle Miguel, which I love but I’m not so close to, called me a day BEFORE my birthday and called me at a time which I DO answer phone calls…strange..

My aunt which has been completely ignoring me for the past few months decided to leave me a tender voicemail. I thought she didn’t care so I didn’t call her for her birthday yesterday. Ooops.

My uncle, who hates me and never hides it, called me today nonstop til i picked up and said he wanted to come “visit” me and was “dissapointed” that he I wasn’t doing anything today.

This could go on but I’m not gonna write a 5-page essay.

THE POINT OF THE STORY: No ones ever cared that much. EVER. I’ve always tried hard to gain my family’s respect and try to be somebody, to not feel like an outsider but nothing ever worked. The year I stop trying and just stop caring they decide to care. I just don’t get it. Why now? Why all of a sudden?

en el dia de hoy

one day before my birthday.

yay.

somehow..i don’t feel excited as I normally should..it just doesn’t FEEL like my birthday. i’ve been waiting for it throughout the whole year…and well…nothing.

Cynthia bought me a cupcake cake and it was delicious, and i was overwhelmed…til she covered my face with frosting D:

IM GONNA GET HER BACK, JUST WAIT.

and now tomorrow.

the big day.

the day i turn SIXTEEN.

wow.

i can’t believe it…

Today

I just finished reading The Choice, by Nicholas Sparks, and honestly it was the best book I’ve read by him. It felt..real. Like I could actually see  me doing something like that. BUT, I hate the part that all his love stories have this thing where the main characters fall in love in 2-3 days. Wth.

3 more days til my birfdai.

windel

“Maria: i love how you build up your stories, and then when you do tell them it really was like a five second story”

Part of my charm. <3

Ernest Hemingway

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”

.

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

-Napoleon Hill

rmec…sas…?

If I leave to S.A.S i will with no doubt miss a whole bunch of people I will never forget. Making a decision will be one of the hardest things, but in the end it’ll be what's best for me.

 

To the man upstairs, if your reading this right now, I need a sign.. PLEASE?

signed,

Desperate and Conflicted

farewell from a friend

 

“I will miss your amazing taste in music and your witty responses to life's unanswered questions.”

Oh God, I’m going to miss you. I wish I were closer to you.

dun dun dun!

You know the depressive feeling men usually have and then that feeling makes them go to bars and drink all night to even more depressive music?

That’s exactly how I feel. Except without the depressive music. Well..its playing in my head, but I don’t think it counts..?

great.

i wonder if anyone out there would love to cheer me up :(

 

i hope i get it right this time

 

I deleted all my comments on MySpace right now..and..it made me remember all the good old days and how much i miss Allison and wishing we were still close. But life goes on. I’m tired of living in the past and I’m tired of thinking about the future. All i want to do is think about right now and right now only.

 

I’ve worn so many masks. Trying to fit in..trying to be like others..trying to be accepted. I’ve worn so many masks I lost myself in the process. Who am I? I won’t wear a mask this time. This one might take a while to make and it might take a while to get all the pieces right. But this time, I’m going to get it right.

math hw sucks…

…especially when they’re word problems. So i decided to read them in this weird accent, but it only made it worse cause I didn’t understand my weird accent so it took DOUBLE effort –__-

 

tomorrow, I’m going to the office during 1st period and I’m gonna ask for a community service packet. Hopefully, I grow some balls overnight.

 

now on to French hw D:

fudge nuggets D;

so…Boy Meets World is NOT on at 6am..it starts til 7am: what a bummer :/. i was SO EXCITED.

oh well..

 

“if that’s my sin, then i’m guilty..”

i love antique

 

facts

Why do you like living in this area?

HA! I’m only here because I’m a minor and my mother has power over me. I mean, I don’t mind it; its peaceful at sometimes. It’s just not where I picture myself to be. And I love my mom, I do, so I don’t blame her…i guess?

 

 

The Stoning of Soraya M.

 

After watching this movie, I will try my hardest never to judge anyone under any circumstances. We can see and hear so many things…but those things are never certain.

The power of Greed and Lust will never satisfy a hungry pig. – Maria R.

good evening

facts

 

Name three exotic countries you would like to visit

1. -Brazil
2. -Egypt
3. -Morroco

home

 

I was walking home from school today and these people were just simply welding pieces of metal together; somehow the smell got to me. It reminded me of Nicaragua and how much I miss it.

 

“Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever Im with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever Im with you”

facts.

 

Name one thing that not many people know about you.

I LOVE sewing. Most kids usually ask for ps3’s or x-box 36o’s, but i ask for a sewing machine, fabric and anything else related to it. When I’m stressed out I usually like staying in my room tearing apart my clothes and starting from scratch or maybe just getting fabric and trying to make something new. I like designing things? Like dresses and shirts..sometimes skirts. I don’t think I want to be a designer, but we’ll see.

:)

The 411

 

So, I’m gonna start remembering stuff before I forget. What do I mean exactly? I’m going to answer questions…just basic ones. Day by day, a different question.

 

What is your earliest memory?

Hmm..I think it’d have to be my 5th birthday party. Everyone that I loved was there. EVERYONE. It was at the beach so after I got out of the water I wore this red dress and I couldn’t help but smile with my toothless gap.  My cousin and I share the same birthday so we collaborated. I remember I fell asleep with my beach clothes on and woke up extra early that morning just because my aunt was gonna give me this doll I had seen her talk about for a while . I was so excited and nothing ruined my day. I even got this chalkboard I had waited for so long(I wanted to be a teacher when I was little).

:) <3

on the journery

 

How am I supposed to be myself if quite frankly I don’t know who I am?

For so long, walking on unknown territory. This child skipped through everything it came across. No one taught it to be a child, it just assumed it was doing what was supposed to be done. No one taught it to learn how to get a good education, it just assumed from looking at the crowd. The child doesn’t blame it’s guardian, what's the need to? All the guardian ever did was try to be better and make a living for them both. So the child moves on. Now the child a young adult stuck in the body of a toddler. Not because of it’s immaturity, but because it was never taught what to do.  It was left alone and everyone just assumed the child knew what to do..as if it was born lost.

sklfjlprl;dfkl;t

*bangs head on computer. incessantly*

daily routine:

wake up

go to school

come back home

do homework –sorta-

watch tv – sorta-

talk to friend(s)

go to sleep

LIFE ISNT MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS!! i feel like im missing something D:

hmm….im gonna start interacting with the real world or im. gonna. die.

 

-_____________________________-

 

btw, i have decided to become a pescatarian.

but only for TWO WEEKS. im gonna see if it works out..

 

tata

internets back!

 

Sitting here…typing..when I should be doing homework…procrastination at its best. My grandma’s here and so is my sister, and I just finished watching the Proposal with my little cousins, very nice :-). But now back to the real world.

My sister’s a fatty pants. How does she not get fat?

Any who, Open Mic was a week ago and one of my friends wrote this unbelievably amazing poem and I thought I should share it here with the rest of the world. Btw, it’s good to have Barry White in the background as your reading this..just a thought ;)

 

(Title Not Available)

 

I love her…

As the sun and the flowers do each other…

But a careless whisper ruined our reunion…

 

To try to see myself through her eyes…

To be on both sides of the fence…

To see why things happened the way they did…

To attempt to pick up the pieces left behind by a careless whisper….

 

Who is she you ask…

That I would go to such lengths for her…

 

She’s…

She’s more than what I deserve…

She’s more than what I could have hoped for…

She’s almost every time just out of my reach…

 

She’s my other half…

Like the radiant stars in the blunt night sky…

She’s the world…

posting with no internet.

 

Ugh. Once again, doom has arrived. My whole plan to watch Netflix during spring break FAILED. And I’m sitting here typing when there is clearly no internet.

PATHETIC!

 

i need to start on my diet D:

getting better and better by the minute.

 

So I just found out, according to a friend, that for French class I have to write everything I do during spring break. So not only is everyone going to find out how much of a loser I am, but i also have to translate it into the French language?

 

-_______________________________________-

my birthday

 

I have officially decided I’m going to watch Casablanca on my 16th birthday. Can’t get more depressed than that.

You really can’t.

when harry met sally

Spring break has become uneventful.

I thought maybe spring would be amazing and that amazing things will happen as I amazingly accomplish these amazing things. So far,  I have to decided between staying in high school or going to college, studying for 6 french exams, writting 2 essays, and other things I can’t seem to remember.

Great.

spring break to do list

 

• watch movies on my instant queue on Netflix
• study the French language
• decide on high school or college
• start my “healthier lifestyle”
• tone down thoughts about opposite sex
• more “me time”
• bubble bath bash!
• sew <3

…..to be continued

deprivation of sleep once again.

 

what if he’s one of those creepy guys that stay up late at night just to watch porn?

or

what if he’s one of those super clingy, emotional guys who won’t stop bugging you?

or

what if he’s one of those assholes that don’t know how to even spell commitment and just wanna get laid?

or

what if he’s a secret serial killer and is out to avenge the death of someone really close to him so he takes it out on the opposite sex?

or

what if he’s absolutely perfect in everyway but he’s just not right for me and whatnot?

i need a life.

SPRING BREAK GODS OUT THERE, DON’T LET ME GET SWALLOWED BY ALL THIS HAUNTING QUESTIONS.

Its about damn time

 

I need to take things slower. You know how some people go through things once and they get the message? Or sometimes they don’t go through anything at all and just know they shouldn’t do something because of others mistakes? Definitely not me. Unfortunately, its become a problem that the only way i can learn from my mistakes is if I make the mistakes a gazillion times.

Ain’t life something?

I feel better though..and even though its not 100% and the next few weeks should be “eh”, eventually my spring will come out and I will finally get that thing I’ve been looking for. <—And no, I’m not referring to a male companion…I’m talking about something different. Somewhere different. Just different.

I can’t wait for summer.

letters to an unknown recipient.

so i have a friend, you know who you are, and she wanted me to post something…here it is. CAUTION: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

 

Who are you? You’re nothing to me.
You were once the wind I needed for my kite to rise in that hot july afternoon.
I once needed your strength to pull me against the strong currents.
But now..it’s as if the wind were a mere illusion, a mere fantasy. As if the wind was a product of the the thousands of tangled thoughts that roam through my forest of doubt.
But I’ve set things in order and I’ve come to my senses.
Is it better to pretend and live a lie, or to know and carry anger?
I don’t know you anymore, did I ever know you at all?
Or was i just ....

i have come to a conclusion<

f*** the world.

 

off to do homework.

i want to sew –_-

 

sighs. breathes. blink. –moving on--

im looking for a new best friend. not one who i can only talk to 3 times a week and only at certain times of the night. not one who i barely see and have to share her with someone else who im supposed to call my best friend as well. NO. i love her to death, i do. whenever i talk to her she makes me laugh and only the thought of “why we didnt meet sooner” creeps in my mind; but im sick of it. i want a best friend i can talk to whenever i call. one i can trust with everything and won’t feel like such a dufus for the things i do and the things i say, one who supports me and tells me when im wrong. sure, i have one thats perfect right now. but how about one who can come to my place and just chill, and i go to hers and do the same? one who we can just say the randomest things and understand each other? one who can think of me as her best friend to me? im tired of one sided relationships. but most of all, i hate my STUPID WHINES AND BITCHYNESS.

i hate highschool.

signed,

the whiny tears of an underprivileged girl.

happy first day of march!

yesterday was a full moon and i can honestly say i was happy. i spent the day at the church festival in Hialeah with my two sisters and Alex. we ate ice cream and nachos, chilled and rode some rides till Alex got his bracelet taken away –_- i didn't really care, but apparently it was a huge deal to Harry. ANYWAYS, then we went home i talked to some family members i hadn't spoken to in a while and then we went to burger king and then we went to pick up my grandma and then i went home. my Netflix movie was sitting on my desk so i decided to watch it & as always, i cried like a sucker. i just might watch it again since i forgot to turn it in. sigh. now off to the real world. have to do homework and my grandmas here with my cousins.

 

ciao.

i never minded florida's stupid mood swings til today.

in p.e playing baseball with the sun in my face beating the crap out of me, humidity all around me and sleep getting the best of me. when im older, im moving to somewhere where the scenery is actually pretty and beyond bionic. or maybe its just that i never go out and have only seen south florida and not all of it…ah well, i cant keep avoiding homework.

 

back to reality </3

yes, no, maybe so

ive never met you, but im dying of a possibility of you and me. im scared out of my mind, but every glimpse of you takes over me like a tide in the ocean. maybe its your looks, but you definitely have my attention. i dont wake up every morning and think of you and i dont plan our lazy afternoons on a rainy day; you come through my mind at the most unexpected times and my heart cant help but flutter as the thoughts of you scramble through my head. your a mystery to some, but most of all to me. is it worth the challenge? are you all you seem to be?

 

-thoughts of a teenager deprived of sleep

i can tell that we are gonna be friends

i just wanna be friends, nothing more to it. not wanna make out for hours, just wanna hold your hand. i dont wanna be attached, i just wanna talk. we can be there for each other, no labels required. im not too good in this deparment, i just wanna be friends.

- Maria Rivera

oh mother

i was talking to my mom the other day and when i was done she told me it was best if i talked in spanish or at least english. i told her i was speaking english. she thought i was literally speaking french. i was just asking her if she could remember to buy some milk.

gym. tan. laundry.

i saw anabel today and i asked her about the whole “we’re gonna get healthier and lose weight by going to the gym” plan and it turns out that her mom won’t let her go unless her sister goes with her. FML. what the heck am i supposed to do now? i have the will i just need the push and my stepdad nor my mom are the kind of push willing me to lose the weight. grrrrrr

im finally updated!

remember how my computer died this weekend? well i insisted that we buy a new computer..and guess what? today was the day where maria and her family got updated with the world. im pretty much stoked except for this nagging voice in my conscious: my music is still missing. :/

smell the rain, feel the wind.

my computer crashed and all my music is gone. im not sad, but then again it hasn't hit me yet that i have lost a part of my soul.
i plan on watching casanova tonight; hopefully i dont fall asleep.
id like something or someone to cheer me up..maybe ill call marilu and just reminisce.
its 51 degrees outside and i love it. the glassy window, and soothing roar of the wind is calling my name.
i want it to be june already so i can go to my hometown and feel like myself again..or maybe i've just hit another low point in today.

au revoir. <3