My butt hurts

Which is probably why it’s all saggy.

I’ve been sitting at this computer since 4pm and I’m tired. I’ve been working on the music playlist for Escarleth’s quince since Saturday and I finally finished right now. I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT.

BUT THEN THE LIGHT WAS JUST SOME ASSHOLE FLASHING HIS FLASHLIGHT.

BECAUSE I GOTTA FINISH ONLINE SCHOOL. WOOOOO ~

Things have changed

After Casey and I met each other, I knew things were going to change. I started giving my family more importance and I decided not to go away for college, as in out of state. I guess meeting Casey had something to do with it, somehow putting our relationship into consideration.

But I don’t want him to change his plans because I came along, and I don’t want myself in that position either.

Which is why I want to go to Arizona for a few days. I want to visit the University of Arizona to see if out-of-state is what I really want, and I also get to visit my aunt which I haven’t seen in years.

I don’t want to regret later on or think of what would have happened if I gave myself that chance. I want to know I’m making the right choice for me, and no one else.

I need to do this. I’m going to ask my mom tomorrow and hopefully she agrees with me, which I doubt, but I’m going to try.

thanksgiving break, etc

Thanksgiving day was yesterday.

I finally managed to get out of bed at 10am and it turns out my stepdad and stepsister were going fishing. I didn't go cause I had so much to do, baking wise ;) I ended up making the easter potatoes thing, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and sweet-n-salty brownies :D they were really good! While I was doing the cookies, I was skyping a bit with Stephanie Castillo. I really miss her and I wish we were more involved in each others lives. We text often but that's not enough to maintain a friendship.

While doing all of this, I was watching Jumanji on telefutura because we still don't have cable, and apparently it's going to stay like that for awhile D: I asked my mom for netflix again and she said yes :3 I hope nothings changed too much with that.

After I was done, Diana called me and told me that Frank was going with us to the Buddhist temple. I was like "waaahhh". He didn't end up going though, thank the Lord )or Siddhartha)! It is so pretty at the temple. Vibrant colors everywhere and gold thai statues of the buddha. Such serenity everywhere you go, and the people are so friendly. Never judging you and never asking you to leave or what you wanted. Before entering the temple you had to take your shoes off. There were monks (bald and in orange "dresses") walking around everywhere. I always knew it, but the main focus of buddhism is happiness. No matter what you did or where you went, there was always this interior happiness without the materialistic objcts attached to it that everyone wanted and was looking for. It was such a great experience and I'm glad I got to go. We were late for the festival though, maybe next year :/

I came back home at around 4 something and then soon my mom came home and then my steppdad/stepsister came back from fishing. We got ready and left to my uncles house. It was a good time celebrating with them, I hope we don't just reunite for special ocasions. I'm going to try to make these reunions a bit more often. My stepdad and stepsister got into an argument about how she was eating too much and so she left crying. Apparently they had eaten before they got there. Later on she was acting all spoiled and selfish and I didn't like it one bit and of course I didn't stay quiet. Yoel and her started practicing for her dance show she wanted to have at the party. Yol didn't want to do it at all. We went home at about nine and then I was so upset and angry, but my mom calmed me down. I love my mom so much, no matter how much we fight or disagree she's the most beautifulest and amazing woman I have ever met. I'm so thankful and grateful for her. She's come along way but I think she's finally getting to that inner happiness she's always wanted.

My stepsister wanted me to read her a bedtime story and so, angrily, I went to her room. I talked to her about how I didn't like this little attitude she was giving my mom and me. We made up and then I read her a story and she fell asleep. I came to my room and I was texting Casey but then he said he was playing video games with his friend and cousin so I didnt text back as soon and somehow fell asleep.

I'm happy and I know that I don't need him to live and breathe, and yesterday at the Buddha temple I was okay with him not being there. But I miss him, and right now it's his hugs, his kisses, and his touch that I want the most.

but anyways my stepsister is ready me a story right now so I'm gonna stop being rude.

yep. BEST BIG SISTER EVER

aw :'3

My stepsister just made me breakfast in bed :)
She came in with eggs, rice, and una arepa. It was DELICIOUS.
She said it was because she was thankful for everything I've
done for her.

Ah, breakfast...in bed. If only a certain someone was here
to share it with me ._.

Um

I think I just ended my friendship with Diana.

I'm tired, I'm stressed, I keep putting time and effort into this and don't receive the same in return?

That's cool. Maybe one day we'll both be mature about this, but for now good night.

I lost my best friend. Just like I knew I would.

Funny how (not really funny) how "good riddance" by greenday came on when it was over.

A sign? Maybe. Time will tell, though.

Now that my stepsisters here…

My mom is her “second mom”. She does all that a mother would do for her daughter and she actually seems happy, my mom does. And so does my stepsister.

Yesterday, she went to go buy her some uniform and then with my stepdad to go buy some school supplies. Then today she went to go pick her up at school and then some other errands. Made us lunch. All this other junk. I think its cute. My mom always laughs at all her jokes and she’s actually into all that stuff that my mom is like doing her nails and makeup and doing hair.

It’s nice that she’s here. The house isn’t as quiet as it used to be. The gaps are filled and now she’s here watching what I’m writing. Good thing that she can’t read english :p

LOL, she said something funny today. There was this roach or something and she started yelling and then was all “COMPADRE TRAIGAME EL ARME”

lmao.

Have I mentioned this before?

That my new stepsister just arrived and that now we’re bonding together all the time and that she’s so funny and cute and raw and I love her.

Yep, I do. :)

I was really scared and nervous cause I didn’t know how she would be or if she would be anything like her sister, BUT SHE’S NOT. She doesn’t even like her half-sister, Lorena. Which is funny cause neither my mom nor I do :p

ANYWAYS, right now she just told all of us that my mom is like her second mom and that I’m like her sister :’)

ISN’T THAT ADORABLE?

Did I mention that she’s funny??? And cute??? I want to take her to the movies on friday…we’ll see!

I'm never certain about many things

But right now, at this very moment, I'm certain about this:

If we were to end soon, out of nowhere, I would be devastated. I've never had anything stable in my life, and I have tried not to let it get to my head that you might not stay here forever, but I have this slight hope, this ounce of naive-ness in me that hopes you might stay here for a while.
I would eventually move on, it would be hard and I would miss you and your family that's become my second family, and I would miss your smell, I would miss the look you always give me. Those light brown eyes that stare right into me, knowing that there's this burning love between us. I would miss the way you always try to get me to slow dance with you, that even though i really want to I stop myself. I would miss how you tell me I'm beautiful and that I'm the only girl for you. I would miss our late night talks about everything and nothing. I would miss you. You. Your patience. I'm difficult, full of contradictions. But in the end, I would be thankful. Thankful I had the chance to meet you and have you a part of my life, even if for just a while.

I know where I want my life headed and I know that it's because of God. I don't know how everything will play out, but I do know that it's going somewhere and that I will help others just as I've been helped in return.

I love my mother. Period. She's so beautiful and inspirational and I couldn't have asked for more. Thank you for never giving up, Mom. Thank you for always fighting things out and wanting to improve yourself. Thank you for your unconditional love. For always being there for me. For trying to be both my mother and father and finding ways to have a better life for ourselves. I wouldn't be here without you and I'm so happy that you've finally found that inner peace that you've always wanted. And its because of God that we're here, together. I love you so much, both of you. The only two stable people in my life, I will always be eternally grateful to you two.