Must.

Prof: Did God create everything?
Student: Yes!
Prof: If so, then God also created evil. Therefore, God is evil.
(A student stood up and ask)
Do dark exist sir?
Prof: Yes! It does.
Student: Dark doesn’t exist. Dark is only the absence of light. Just like evil, it is only the absence of God in human’s heart.

Ya feel me?

I look at all these people and I’m like damn, I need to get in shape.

But then I see food, and I’m like damn maybe tomorrow.

\m/

First-timer

I had my first kiss yesterday…several times :p

But I’m horrrrrrrrible D;

I love Mrs. Stuck

APUSH! I would go on this website every other day last year

Yuuup. It’s official :3

Should I have denied it or accepted it?

:p lol jk.

<3

God

“Home is whenever I’m with you”

I’m ready to come home. I’m ready to come back to you.

I love you so much sdflkjdkler please forgive me

10 points for my daddy!

And his way of cheering me up :D

Lol @ him watching disney channel when no ones home.

More Lol’s @ him talking to sylvester the cat every single morning

and last lawlz at him always saying something funny/mean about my mom and her sisters “grupo pies descalsos”

lol i feel better and hopefully now I can finish this dang report!

Lately

I’ve been taking things day by day, slowly. Which is great, don’t get me wrong, but I’m a woman that needs a plan. I’m a woman that needs to know and have things set for the future. Not planning out the entire days of my life, but having some sort of goal, something I need to accomplish. Like a list! I love lists, lists are wonderful. You write down what you need to do and then you do it whenever it is that time reaches you. But lately, lists haven’t been made, again, and things haven’t been accomplished, again. I’m tired of sitting through the days without a plan in mind, just laying there. I hate it. I’m still going to take things slowly and play it as it goes, but this time I’m going to know the lyrics.

Lately, I’ve been focusing on myself too much. What I want, how I feel, what I think I need. It was almost never like that. I never used to take into myself into consideration and I used to focus my time and attention on the rest. I’m starting to see the problem though, I’m always at an extreme, there’s never a balance or an in between of where I need to be. I need to focus on myself and give myself that time off, but I also need to think of all the individuals surrounding me and take them into consideration. I’m not the only one with emotions and troubles. I sometimes forget I’m not the only one that has a bad day or suddenly been struck with the blues.

I’m going to have an invisible chart and set some time individual bonding time for my mom, my sisters, my family, my friends, my main squeeze, and myself. No more sulking around letting the blues get the best of me, time must not be wasted. There is much needed to be done and I need to take the reigns of this horse.

I’m going into my senior year of high school, the last year of secondary school, the big 1-2…and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing. I’m behind on all these summer assignments, online school isn’t going anywhere, I have all these stacks of books waiting to be opened, there’s a list of movies I still need to watch, and I have no clue on what I’m doing for college. But I’m going to stop complaining and wondering and actually gonna do something about it. Little by little, everday, I’m going to do a little bit of everything. Maybe I’ll even start to sew again, its been awhile. And of course I’ll be able to do it! Why? Because I’m setting my mind to it. No more slacking off.

Jamaica/Grand Cayman Islands

I CAN’T EVEN…SDFLSDFJKLDJFKLER

Best trip EVER. I had an incredible time with my family, and this trip made me reconsider moving to Michigan for college. I love my family so much and its trips like this that made me realize that I wouldn’t want to spend months away in the cold without hearing from them. So much changes in a second, imagine in the time being away from them? I can’t do that to them or myself. My sisters are starting high school and so is Yoel. This is a crucial time in their lives and so many changes occur and I don’t want to be far away from them. I need them in my life, and I hope they need me to. Chris is starting the fourth grade and he’s a great kid, why would I push myself away from them? Not just them, but my mom too. All my friends, and possible future boyfriend?

I think I should stay here. Maybe Miami has more to offer than I thought…

You

I’m gonna stop being cocky and stop thinking about other “options”. You’re here right now and thats all that matters to me. I like you, a lot. I care about you and I would never hurt you on purpose. I’m sorry that I don’t express myself sometimes and that I don’t say whats on my mind, but I like you and I want you here right now.

I like that you don’t care what people think. I like the way you try to protect me. The way you try to be funny, which in the end is even funnier. Your cheesy jokes. The way you hold my hand and those random little kisses. Our last minutes we have together you usually spend it talking about something random. How you always try to make me laugh. Our super late late night conversations.

Why do I keep thinking of other guys when I have you right now, and you’re worthier than any guy I know. You may not be buff and tough, but I don’t need that to make me happy. I thought I did, but thats just physical and I shouldn’t care about any of that.

You make me happy. You’re the guy in my dreams. You’re the one that I miss late at night. You’re real. You’re here.

And again…

Virtual school is left behind.

This is bad…very bad. o.o

Updating

My last post was on July 23, and I can't remember what it was about...

ANYWAYZ. I should probably update my blog. A lot of things have been going on and tomorrow I leave to Jamaica (wassup ;D) and I need to blog before more things happen.

I shall start with my personal, intimate life(lol):
Hmm...things with Casey have been going smooth and steady. We're still friends, but obviously we're not just friends. We've been talking almost every night on the phone, except for the past two nights, up until 4am and the conversations have been nice. I've learned more about the kind of person he is, a little bit about his childhood and shared some things about his family and how they are. In a nutshell, he's opened up a bit more. I've opened up too, but of course I don't get all cheesy and lovey dovey cause we're still friends and we're dating and we're NOT official yet so I try to hold back a little. It slips out though at times ._. I know he likes me and and enjoys all the times we talk, but what about my flaws? He hasn't seen the other side of me, the emotionally unstable, moody, impatient, desperate, lazy, annoying, irritating, bitchy side of me. I come with a package, no correction, I come with a whole set of luggage with too many tricky pockets in between. Will he learn to accept those flaws? He likes my good side, can he be okay with the bad?
We're going to Bayside today, I think, and I haven't seen him in two weeks. We only talk at night and in the mornings/afternoon we do our thing. To me, it seems as if we're not apart of each others real, daily lives yet. We've created this separate realm which we enter once it hits nightime, where our reality goes to sleep. When will we start becoming apart of each others reality? Our real lives?

Its hard to keep a balance between letting someone make you happy and not depending on that person to make you happy. I don't want to forget my plans, my goals, my dreams. I have things I want to accomplish, and I don't want to change route or plans just because someone comes along. Yes, I can't be selfish anymore since I'm in a "relationship", but I have to stay on top of my game.

Now, on to my personal, not intimate life:
Denis Eleazar is in a coma. I feel sympathy for his family and all, but I don't feel sad. I know he's my cousin and all, but I never got around to knowing him on a personal level like that. Everyone's praying and hoping he gets better, and I'm not saying that I'm not, but I just don't feel it. I've tried too, I really have. He's a really nice guy and he's not a snobby bitch like my uncle's other kids, so I really like him. He's real and honest. I do hope he gets better soon.
Ever since tio Noel left to Nicaragua, I've always wondered when I'd see Sebastian and Alexis again. They would always come to my house on weekends and we'd spend time together and it was great. But they disappeared and I never heard from them again. This week, I came to tia Maritza's house but it took me a while to finally decide whether I should come or not. What led me to come was that I couldn't be home for a week doing homework and having lots of time to think about things; thinking's bad and I need to keep myself occupied, so here I am. Apparently, God had bigger plans for me, for all of my family. I don't usually pick up the house phone, but on Tuesday around noon the phone rang and I picked up. It was Beverly, Sebastian and Alexis' mom. She wanted to talk to tia Maritza about tio Noel, so I gave her my aunts cell and that was it. I wanted to say so much, to ask about my cousins so badly. But I didn't. I stayed quiet. I was just another voice on the phone. I called tia Maritza and told her what happened and asked if it was okay that I had given out her number, and she was fine with it, actually said she was glad I did. Tio Alcides called me later and asked me what she had said (word had spread around that Beverly had called) and wanted her number. When tia Maritza came home she was talking to her on the phone and they had decided that they would go to her house wednesday night to see them again. Tio alcides/Ivania/Ivan/Escarleth/Abuelita Eva/Luisito/Edward/Tia Maritza/Me all went to Pompano Beach at 8pm on our voyage to reunite with our long lost cousins. We reached the house and it took a while for someone to answer the door, but Beverly came out and then Sebastian. When I finally saw him, I got a little emotional. He looked like the same little boy except so much taller and mature looking. He used to be so tiny and and now he's taller and bigger than me. Everyone was so excited and happy, we didn't know what to do and say but to keep staring at him. He looks IDENTICALLY as tio Noel, as if someone put his face on this boys body. I thought he wouldn't want to open up and be distant and cold, but it was the opposite. Of course the conversations were limited, but at least he tried and he smiled a lot :) My uncle wanted to kidnap him and they all wanted to take him right then and there, but I told them to come back down to earth and think about it. Its a lot to take in for one night and Sebastian needed to process things and decide with his mom what they wanted to do next. They saw my viewpoint and agreed so we parted afterawhile and then on our way back home.

Yesterday was great. My aunt came home early, around 3, and we quickly packed up for Yoel's birthday party and were later on the road. First, we went to this warehouse where they sell super cute bathing suits and at a really good price and my aunt bought me this pretty pink polka dot one, and I don't like polka dots, but it looked really good one me c: Now though she wants to return the one she bought me at Target and I'm like..uh..no. Lol jk, sorta. I drove all the way to homestead and let the fun begin. Yoel's cute friends were there, oh and Jackie and my dad too, when we got there. Jackie and I catched up a bit and started eating and getting bloated, not cute. Harry came later and started talking about he was depressed ever since his girlfriend and him broke up. Lol @ guys being sad and lonely, but I feel for him. Poor guy, really. After Escarleth finished eating, I drove us to my house to pick up my contacts and a cute shirt to wear for my date on friday. Then when we came back, we got in the pool and played some water-volleyball with my cousins and tio Pablo, lol he's too funny. Sebastian looked like he was having a great time :) Yoel got his whole face and hair full of cake, muah ha ha. Then slowly everyone started leaving and Sebastian decided he wanted to stay at tia Luz's house, which is completely understandable since she has a pool, so much video games and entertainment and her house IS HUGE. We came back happy, happy that Sebastian is finally with us and that we get to spend some time with him as we get to know each other more and hopefully he trusts us enough soon to build a strong relationship. I miss Alexis, though. Where is she? I only saw her in picture and supposebly she's still at her grandma's....somethings fishy.

I can't wait for all the things coming up in my life. Unfortunate events will always happen, and thats life. But along with all of the tragedies, more than pleasant surprises always manage to squeak in.

I've had many ups and downs in my life, but thankfully I was blessed with a wonderful mother and a terrific family to keep me grounded. Shit always happens, but in the end...if there's shit, that only means there's a horse somewhere.

Contradicting

I’ve always said money isn’t everything, especially when it comes to happiness.

But why am I choosing it instead?

CD’s

I went to Starbucks this morning cause I had spare 30 minutes and I decided to buy the new Death cab album. AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DIDN’T HAVE IT. SFLJK.FDGK

I did get a java chip frap, but nothing else. No cd. No nothing. I guess I should download it over the internetz ~

Old english assignments

I remembered a poem I had written a long time ago about a boy, any boy, while  I was “all up in my feelings”, and i found it again.

It goes with what I’m feeling, in a way, right now. Here’s the ending of it:

He’s a cliffhanger to some,

But most of all to me.

I plan on seeking the clues to his riddle,

That much I can guarantee.

Is it worth the challenge?

Are you all you seem to be?

Monday, June 11th 2011

My first real date.

Ah yes, the morning felt like any other. Nothing out of the ordinary. The usual cleaning crew were cutting the lawn, my mom was out at the gym. My cousins were somewhere out there either sleeping or eating breakfast. Others were getting ready for their day of work.

But me.

I had to get up to get ready for a very important day.

I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I wanted to play it cool, and just pretend a couple of friends were hanging out, which in essence that's exactly was going on, but this was different.

I cleaned the bathroom, made my room tidy (and thanks to my mom she sort of cleaned it since I had been gone for awhile), got laundry done, changed my comforter/bed sheets, etc. The plan was that Casey would get there at 4 and leave at 9 since my mother thinks any other time would have been late, but things happened differently. Apparently, his parents forgot that today he was supposed to come over and they made plans to go to the beach, so the time was changed to 6pm. I was fine with it, I had enough time to get my hair nice and unfrizzy and look for a decent outfit. Since I had to cancel Diana's and I plans for tuesday, I picked her up to go to walmart cause I needed to buy some things for the smores cookies and a new hand mixer (finally!!!). Diana decided to tell the whole walmart that I was going on a date, oh AND the whole parking lot. I love her so much, but please don't do that again sfjsfgkdngdj.s,j. Anyways, I got home at around 4 something and it turns out my mom didn't want butter, she had wanted sour cream >.< I had to go out AGAIN to buy sour cream and it turns out Casey now changed the time to 5 so I didn't have time for anything!!!! My hair looked like frizzy shit thanks to the humidity outside, I changed three times and went back to what I was originally wearing and forgot to change back to my strapless bra, so my straps kept showing probably, *sigh*.

I was brushing my teeth and he called me and said he was outside parking. I went outside to tell him where to park and found myself literally melting, i felt so nasty. I saw him and it was like he'd always been there. I hugged him and then said hi to his mom and then met his dad (who is incredibly attractive for a man his age). They came into my house and then they said a quick goodbye and left.

I'll finish in the morning cause I'm writing tooooooo much fluff and I need to go to bed!!

july 12 2011

I'm exhausted, its 1:29am and I NEED to go to sleep. Tia Maritza and I were bathing suit shopping today at the Sports Authority and Target and we decided to start going for runs every morning. My dumbass self said 6am -_- WHY. WHY. WHY. I'm gonna be so tired in the morning. But it should pay off, it has too...that bathing suit and skirt my aunt got me are too cute to look all jiggly in.
Oh and today were the Edward's and Luisito's swimming lessons and Ivan goes there too meaning Jackie/Escarleth came along and we catched up ^.^ and don't get me started on those sexy lifeguards ;D

Oh and my uncle Luis bought me chicken nuggets from Arby's and I got a heart shaped chicken nugget :p

hmm...what else....oh yeah, the reason why I needed to blog this late. I'll make it a seperate post.

WOW...I really AM tired ._.

I have my passport in my suitcase, my suitcase is in the guest room.
All I ask is to travel, somewhere far, could be near, but please...anywhere.

At this point

I have this desperation to be anywhere but here. I want I need to go somewhere, a trip of some sort, preferably with a plane ride in between my departure and arrival but I won’t be picky.

Please…I don’t want to be here.

Sigh. I know its not gonna happen.

Him

What do I like about you? Anabel once asked me what made you stand out from the rest, and I keep thinking about it. What makes you so special? You're smart and funny, but I have friends that fit under that description and I'm not dating them

Maybe it's the way you look at me, as if there's no one else in the room. The way you say my name. How you can always seem to make me feel better. How one conversation with you can make me forget everything. Our silly fights about nothing. That you listen to everything I say and don't complain that I talk too much. That you give me the space that I need and aren't too clingy. The way you say you love my beautiful smile and that's all you want to see.

If only you weren't so dependent of your mother. If only you made your own decisions and didn't have to ask mommy for everything.