I'm sorry God and mom, but if there are no signs of me moving out anytime soon before college, I'm going out of state.
I don't care if I have to take out loans, I don't care if I have to find someway to pay for college, I am NOT going to live here. This isn't healthy for anyone and no one is happy in this damn hypocritical "family".

I refuse to be a part of this anymore and I will do whatever it takes to live a better life.

My mom and I have talked countless times about moving out and all this other stufff, and she keeps waiting for a sign from God but sometimes you can't wait for a sign. If she stays behind, that will be her choice. I feel bad about leaving her here, if she chooses to stay, but I can't do this.

Why am I so damn emotional? Chaisen. Maybe I just need to toughen up, or maybe going out of state will help my mom move out. She'll only need to worry about her and then it won't be such a problem anymore. Sigh. I don't want to move away but this might be my only choice to finally breathe and focus.

God, if you're reading or listening, please....please enlighten me.