It's over; I think.
I told Diana what I felt, and I sent the message. She blocked me on facebook and basically told me off that she couldn't believe what I was saying especially after everything we've been through. I called her last night to try to work things out because I did feel like I attacked her and I shouldn't have said things the way I did, but that was no use. I called her again twice today and nothing, but then she called me back. I tried apologizing for what I said, but useless again. She was mad and hurt. I hurt her badly and she didn't want anything to do with me, she didn't even want to say my face. But at one point I felt what I wrote so I had to send it, but now I'm just a jerk. I am a jerk. I hurt people. That's what I do. She even threw the Casey thing in my face, and it hurts because I've been thinking about that a lot lately and it has nothing to do with our friendship. According to her, "I think everyones out to get me, and I'm so hurt that I think everyones gonna hurt me, and I'm to judgemental and too critical and I don't fight for anyone thats worth". She thinks I think she's a piece of shit.
And you know what, I don't think that. But maybe I am everything that she said.
Maybe I am too judgemental of everyone and I want everything to go my way and for everyone to be how I picture them. But it's not like that and things don't go my way. I should appreciate what I have and realize that everyone around me is human and that they make mistakes. I should let go of all this hate I have inside me and I should take things easy and not so seriously. I won't get anywhere if I continue to keep my act up. I need to start appreciating what I have and thank God for every breath I take and for everyone that's in my life.
I'm sorry to everyone that I've hurt, including you God and my mother, and everyone else that I've tried to control and wanted them to do things my way. But it's not like that.
I need help. And I know the one guy that will lead me to the way.
