The sad part is: I don't care anymore. I love you, but it's not worth it anymore. I tried, I really did with all my heart and God knows it. At the end, it was all about you as always.
Some of us have some growing up to do: growing apart, growing together, growing in faith, growing in love, but mostly growing as a person. I'm definitely one of them. My priorities are not in shape and they need to be, for the sake of my sanity and well-being.
I have so many plans, so many ideas, so many thoughts in my head, but before I go out there and demand change, I must first change my ways and myself. As I said before, I refuse to change myself for anyone's benefit or happiness.
I've been talking to Daniela and Alejandra a lot about California and Arizona. They've been telling me not to force anything, that everything should come easily, naturally. Maybe they've been referring to other things too, maybe, even though they didn't know, it was about Diana all this time. Keeping our friendship took so much work and patience, and as much as I had fun and felt happy, it took a lot of work to keep her by. Nothing worth it ever comes easy, but nothing should be on such extremes all the time to the point of frustration and desperation. I miss you, I do, but I need to love me more. I'm not tired of giving so much, but I am tired of not being appreciated. Actions will always speak louder than words.
God, I still don't know what you're up to, but I'm still a fighter and I haven't given up yet. Guide me in the best way possible and always fill my heart with Your love and unconditional support. When in doubt, please remember that I am human and a sinner, but your daughter nonetheless.
When it's cold outside, I got the month of May.
