So, how is your day so far?
I woke up wondering what my dream meant. Why do you come back? Is it to remind me of my worth and not to settle? Is it to let me know that we'll be together again someday? Or are you just teasing me, so that I always remember how great I had it and how much I've lost?
I miss the idea of you. I miss getting to know someone. I miss laughing for no reason. I miss getting ready for a night out. I do care for you, but we're not for meant for each other.
And you...just got off the phone with you. What are we?
I stayed in bed til 10:30 til I decided staying in bed all day wasn't a good idea. I cleaned a bit, made myself an egg/black bean/watercress/tomato sandwich on a multigrain ciabbata bread and it was DELICIOUS. Also with a homemade cappuccino frap on the side. I watched the Brazilian-Uruguay World Cup soccer game and it was so intense!! Washed my clothes and now here I am, wondering why I'm so blessed to have great friends and family around me. Wondering how Mother Earth was so beautifully created. The sun, the sky, the clouds..why did I ever want to move to city with no sun?
I had a great talk with Cynthia Monday night. I was basing my happiness off of the affection of others. Yoel told me something though when I told him what was going on with me, he said, "Everyone wants that though, to love and be loved so don't put yourself down for that." He's right. Who doesn't want to feel loved? Who doesn't want TO love and enter a mutual understanding with people? But I took it to an extreme. I had this emptiness within me that if I felt rejected by someone or didn't feel like accepted the love I was handing out I took it personally and shut down.
I am not going to connect with everyone. Not everyone has to think I'm "interesting" enough. Some people just suck and there opinion shouldn't determine who I am. It's better to have a couple of great friends than the whole world of mediocre individuals in my life. I don't like thinking of people as mediocre or average, because I genuinely believe that deep down people are waiting to love, butt not everyone is ready to face that.
I need to learn how to do small talk, lol.
