The question that lingers my mind now is...would I crave for something that I never knew I could have? Would my heart be homesick for you if I didn't know I could have you?
I see blissful couples traveling, Facebook posts of newly formed marriages, Instagram pictures of babies and puppies cuddling, and then encountered with couples being all lovey dovey in public...
Would I want all of that if I didn't know it was there? Would I feel like I was missing out on something?
I see all of that and I think "I want that". I want those moments, I want that kind of joy, I want to share that with someone...but do I really? Do I really want someone by my side? Do I really want a partner that inspires me and encourages me whenever I'm at my weakest? As the sun goes up that morning, do I want there to be someone beside me, going against all odds with me, starting our day together?
I got to the point where I realized I didn't want to be alone anymore. I told myself that this was it, no more days of fighting alone that I would soon come across my partner in crime, and that we would be a team, together, pushing through all and any obstacles.
But maybe I've been listening to too many love songs, maybe the media has brainwashed me into believing that I WANT someone when in reality my heart wants nothing more than love, not necessarily in a romantic way, but raw love from strangers, friends, family and God..
Maybe I want those pictures, those memories and those hands to hold because I want what everyone has and not for the right reasons.
Maybe I was in love with the idea of what was presented to me, what I believed would get me that amount of happiness.
I've always been jealous of all the connections and love I saw being shared among couples, I wanted that someday. But maybe it was just my human nature to want what I didn't have.
Maybe...
