My butt hurts

Which is probably why it’s all saggy.

I’ve been sitting at this computer since 4pm and I’m tired. I’ve been working on the music playlist for Escarleth’s quince since Saturday and I finally finished right now. I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT.

BUT THEN THE LIGHT WAS JUST SOME ASSHOLE FLASHING HIS FLASHLIGHT.

BECAUSE I GOTTA FINISH ONLINE SCHOOL. WOOOOO ~

Things have changed

After Casey and I met each other, I knew things were going to change. I started giving my family more importance and I decided not to go away for college, as in out of state. I guess meeting Casey had something to do with it, somehow putting our relationship into consideration.

But I don’t want him to change his plans because I came along, and I don’t want myself in that position either.

Which is why I want to go to Arizona for a few days. I want to visit the University of Arizona to see if out-of-state is what I really want, and I also get to visit my aunt which I haven’t seen in years.

I don’t want to regret later on or think of what would have happened if I gave myself that chance. I want to know I’m making the right choice for me, and no one else.

I need to do this. I’m going to ask my mom tomorrow and hopefully she agrees with me, which I doubt, but I’m going to try.

thanksgiving break, etc

Thanksgiving day was yesterday.

I finally managed to get out of bed at 10am and it turns out my stepdad and stepsister were going fishing. I didn't go cause I had so much to do, baking wise ;) I ended up making the easter potatoes thing, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and sweet-n-salty brownies :D they were really good! While I was doing the cookies, I was skyping a bit with Stephanie Castillo. I really miss her and I wish we were more involved in each others lives. We text often but that's not enough to maintain a friendship.

While doing all of this, I was watching Jumanji on telefutura because we still don't have cable, and apparently it's going to stay like that for awhile D: I asked my mom for netflix again and she said yes :3 I hope nothings changed too much with that.

After I was done, Diana called me and told me that Frank was going with us to the Buddhist temple. I was like "waaahhh". He didn't end up going though, thank the Lord )or Siddhartha)! It is so pretty at the temple. Vibrant colors everywhere and gold thai statues of the buddha. Such serenity everywhere you go, and the people are so friendly. Never judging you and never asking you to leave or what you wanted. Before entering the temple you had to take your shoes off. There were monks (bald and in orange "dresses") walking around everywhere. I always knew it, but the main focus of buddhism is happiness. No matter what you did or where you went, there was always this interior happiness without the materialistic objcts attached to it that everyone wanted and was looking for. It was such a great experience and I'm glad I got to go. We were late for the festival though, maybe next year :/

I came back home at around 4 something and then soon my mom came home and then my steppdad/stepsister came back from fishing. We got ready and left to my uncles house. It was a good time celebrating with them, I hope we don't just reunite for special ocasions. I'm going to try to make these reunions a bit more often. My stepdad and stepsister got into an argument about how she was eating too much and so she left crying. Apparently they had eaten before they got there. Later on she was acting all spoiled and selfish and I didn't like it one bit and of course I didn't stay quiet. Yoel and her started practicing for her dance show she wanted to have at the party. Yol didn't want to do it at all. We went home at about nine and then I was so upset and angry, but my mom calmed me down. I love my mom so much, no matter how much we fight or disagree she's the most beautifulest and amazing woman I have ever met. I'm so thankful and grateful for her. She's come along way but I think she's finally getting to that inner happiness she's always wanted.

My stepsister wanted me to read her a bedtime story and so, angrily, I went to her room. I talked to her about how I didn't like this little attitude she was giving my mom and me. We made up and then I read her a story and she fell asleep. I came to my room and I was texting Casey but then he said he was playing video games with his friend and cousin so I didnt text back as soon and somehow fell asleep.

I'm happy and I know that I don't need him to live and breathe, and yesterday at the Buddha temple I was okay with him not being there. But I miss him, and right now it's his hugs, his kisses, and his touch that I want the most.

but anyways my stepsister is ready me a story right now so I'm gonna stop being rude.

yep. BEST BIG SISTER EVER

aw :'3

My stepsister just made me breakfast in bed :)
She came in with eggs, rice, and una arepa. It was DELICIOUS.
She said it was because she was thankful for everything I've
done for her.

Ah, breakfast...in bed. If only a certain someone was here
to share it with me ._.

Um

I think I just ended my friendship with Diana.

I'm tired, I'm stressed, I keep putting time and effort into this and don't receive the same in return?

That's cool. Maybe one day we'll both be mature about this, but for now good night.

I lost my best friend. Just like I knew I would.

Funny how (not really funny) how "good riddance" by greenday came on when it was over.

A sign? Maybe. Time will tell, though.

Now that my stepsisters here…

My mom is her “second mom”. She does all that a mother would do for her daughter and she actually seems happy, my mom does. And so does my stepsister.

Yesterday, she went to go buy her some uniform and then with my stepdad to go buy some school supplies. Then today she went to go pick her up at school and then some other errands. Made us lunch. All this other junk. I think its cute. My mom always laughs at all her jokes and she’s actually into all that stuff that my mom is like doing her nails and makeup and doing hair.

It’s nice that she’s here. The house isn’t as quiet as it used to be. The gaps are filled and now she’s here watching what I’m writing. Good thing that she can’t read english :p

LOL, she said something funny today. There was this roach or something and she started yelling and then was all “COMPADRE TRAIGAME EL ARME”

lmao.

Have I mentioned this before?

That my new stepsister just arrived and that now we’re bonding together all the time and that she’s so funny and cute and raw and I love her.

Yep, I do. :)

I was really scared and nervous cause I didn’t know how she would be or if she would be anything like her sister, BUT SHE’S NOT. She doesn’t even like her half-sister, Lorena. Which is funny cause neither my mom nor I do :p

ANYWAYS, right now she just told all of us that my mom is like her second mom and that I’m like her sister :’)

ISN’T THAT ADORABLE?

Did I mention that she’s funny??? And cute??? I want to take her to the movies on friday…we’ll see!

I'm never certain about many things

But right now, at this very moment, I'm certain about this:

If we were to end soon, out of nowhere, I would be devastated. I've never had anything stable in my life, and I have tried not to let it get to my head that you might not stay here forever, but I have this slight hope, this ounce of naive-ness in me that hopes you might stay here for a while.
I would eventually move on, it would be hard and I would miss you and your family that's become my second family, and I would miss your smell, I would miss the look you always give me. Those light brown eyes that stare right into me, knowing that there's this burning love between us. I would miss the way you always try to get me to slow dance with you, that even though i really want to I stop myself. I would miss how you tell me I'm beautiful and that I'm the only girl for you. I would miss our late night talks about everything and nothing. I would miss you. You. Your patience. I'm difficult, full of contradictions. But in the end, I would be thankful. Thankful I had the chance to meet you and have you a part of my life, even if for just a while.

I know where I want my life headed and I know that it's because of God. I don't know how everything will play out, but I do know that it's going somewhere and that I will help others just as I've been helped in return.

I love my mother. Period. She's so beautiful and inspirational and I couldn't have asked for more. Thank you for never giving up, Mom. Thank you for always fighting things out and wanting to improve yourself. Thank you for your unconditional love. For always being there for me. For trying to be both my mother and father and finding ways to have a better life for ourselves. I wouldn't be here without you and I'm so happy that you've finally found that inner peace that you've always wanted. And its because of God that we're here, together. I love you so much, both of you. The only two stable people in my life, I will always be eternally grateful to you two.

I wasn't gonna, but I feel like I need to or I'm gonna blow up

Before I start, I picked my senior quote! I was going to end up putting "why not?", but I decided not to and went instead with this: "If some people manage to break free of the box, what makes you think I won't?". Sadly though, now I want to go back and add "try" at the end ._.

ANYWAYS,
I feel like shit. All day I've worrying about stupid crap that I shouldn't be worrying about and I hate it. I hate this! I'm only seventeen, I shouldn't be worrying about silly little drama right now.
The thing is that apparently Yessenia thinks I'm mean and probably doesn't like me anymore because of the whole french email thing, according to Anabel. I talked to Casey about it and he told me that Yessenia was all mad at him all the time now and that he asked her why. She said all this stuff and now I'm all wtf. She has him every other day, AND HE'S MY BOYFRIEND! I understand they're friends and "bros over hoes" but we still have equal amounts of time with him. And they still text! More than he does with me!

I don't understand the problem,...and I want to talk to him cause today I told him to go with her and then he didn't have lunch with me and ended up going somewhere else. Why is he being so immature?
-___-

The problem is that I don't want Yessenia to be mad at me, I want him to share equal amounts of time, and I want him to say what's on his mind dammit! We need to discuss how we share our time with each other and ourselves. I get that he wants to be with me, and I wanna be with him too, but I don't want this to happen. I don't want him to forget about this friends, and I don't want the same thing happening to me either.

Ugh. Maybe I was better off single. Maybe everyone was right. I sure as heck would have been done with online school by now...

Today was a great day! :)

I woke up this morning and was feeling kind of “bleh”, but it was mostly because I was tired. Four hour sleep, ftw! We went to Sacred Heart for mass at 8am and then we got home at 9 and started doing some chores. After that I talked to Casey for an hour and my poor baby is incredibly sick :( I wish we could have spend the day together so I could take care of him. I wouldn’t know how to make him feel better, but I could have tried to make him some decent chicken soup, hot lemon tea, and while we cuddled we could have watched some star wars. I miss him and I hope he gets better soon :(

Anyways, Anabel called me and told me that we were going homecoming dress shopping and I was like “fuuuuuhhh”, cause I was planning on doing online school all day –.-

BUT, we went to dolphin and looked around and then I realized that I probably wasn’t gonna find my dress there. Anabel had seen this add in International Mall about this chain store called “Group USA” that had bridal dresses and all these other kind of formal event dresses, and luckily Anabel’s dad didn’t find anything at Dolphin so we went to International. (Btw, I got this cute dress at Forever 21 but it doesn’t look good on me D: and Anabel, Cachi, and I got some cute matching socks :P)

I’ve never had that “falling in love at first sight with something” moment; BUT I HAD IT TODAY. I FOUND THE PERFECT DRESSS. IT’S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. The color’s a soft pink, “blush” to be exact, and the design and style and everything is exactly what I was looking for. BUT, I felt like my arms looked really nasty and I didn’t buy it. We left to other stores and tried on some other dresses and looked around at Macy’s and we found this black one. It looked really good on me and I liked it, I admit; but it wasn’t the pink one. It wasn’t the perfect dress. I was sooooo disappointed, I just felt like I had something perfect and I couldn’t have it. But why not? Why did I have to settle for the black dress? It was a really nice dress, but it wasn’t the one I wanted. Cachi flipped a coin and I got tails.  All signs were indicating for me to get the black dress, but I didn’t want it. While I was trying it on one more time, the penny fell. I looked down and it was heads face up. Right then and there I knew I had to go find it, that was it. I went back to the store, almost running and really happy. I bought the dress :) And the price was perfect too! $69.99!!! (The black was $149.99) I noticed when I got home that there were some imperfections, but it didn’t matter. I had found the dress for me :) And my arms didn’t even matter anymore to me, it felt okay.

Anabel decided she wanted to go to Homecoming too and that added to my happiness :D We’re thinking about renting a limo and getting 2 other couples so the price would be reasonable for everyone. Maybe Shelby, and a possible date? ;) We’ll see! We went to dinner and there weree some fine ass guys there….HOT DAMN. But I miss my boo <3

AND MY SEEESTERS TOO!!!!! We gots to hang out soon

Pride & prejudice w/ colin firth

Downtown abbey

Boardwalk empire

All I want..

is for this friggin’ printer to work.

to find mah dang senior quote.

to finish friggin’ online school cause its ruining my life.

for Mr. Haney to be forever alone.

 

and all I wanted was for my boyfriend to come over and cuddle :c

IS DAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!

Apparently. Apparently…

Now I’m home alone on a saturday night. I’m just tooooo cool sometimes –.-

I’m not even in the mood to do anything anymore..

I’m the big bad bitch.

I, apparently, sent out a very nasty email last night to the French club members and I am now the big bad bitch.

I decided that I’m no longer sending out emails, it wasn’t even my job to begin with. Whatevs. I called Tammy and told her to take over since she’s secretary and whatnot. SO NO MORE MARIA LASHING OUT AGAISNT NO ONE.

I went to Michaels and bought the jar and ribbon I needed for my gift to Casey. Then I went to Walgreens to buy the candy (m&ms, gummy bears that turned out nasty, lifesaver gummies, and yogurt covered pretzels), and lastly to publix to buy funfetti and brownie mix for Leann’s cupcakes!

I am determined to finish online school, to not continue to waste another minute of my life, to do more productive things, to be a better person, to love more (especially to those that are worthy of it), to forgive, to move on.

My mom just came home from a Mary Kay meeting, and she makes me so proud. She’s so beautiful and smart and she’s always wanting to better herself. No matter what, she’s always out there trying to give it her all, trying to find ways to achieve her life’s purpose. She never gives up, she never loses hope. And when she gets down, she never loses her faith. Imagine that. Not conforming and settling for anything, and yet the world wants to turn against you….but my mom always finds a way to prove everyone wrong. I know she gets moody and temperamental at times, but I wish to be like her. A woman thats always on the go, always learning new things, always appreciating every little thing she has. And she never complains. Never whines about her getting too little or the short end of the stick. I’m no walk in the park, and for her to wanna even feed me I’m surprised.

I love you more than anything in this world, Mom. YOU are my hero and the best thing I have <3

Senior quotes

 

What do I want to be remembered as?

What motivational quote defines me and my future?

I aint even know ._.

"The horizon is out there somewhere, and you just keep chasing it, looking for it, and working for it." Bob Dole

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
- John F. Kennedy

Ya’lll…wuz going on?

Is it break-up season, or is it just me?

I dunno. Some strong lasting relationships have ended and I’m kind of scared.

It’s not because I’m doubtful of my relationship, its just that those that you expect to last for a considerable amount of time have now ended and I’m left here in awe.

I love my baby though so…

“Love don’t pay the bills”

“I would call you up every saturday night and we’d both stay and sing "heeere we gooo agaiiin”

Yesterday, I went to iHop with Ana banana, Shameka, Alyssa, and Roxanne. I had a great time :) S

 

 

And now 1973 has been forever stuck in my heaD.

“awaaaaaaaake my soooooul, awaaaaake my soooouul…”

I found out today, through Steph, that Casey really likes Mumford&Sons…when she told me that I think I cried a little inside :’) I think I fell in love with him even more

Today was an interesting day. Took a quiz in Barnett’s for AP gov and I think I aced it ;) Then in Kott’s class for AP calc we reviewed some things and I thnk I did pretty good on my quiz there too. After class, Shelby and I walked downstairs and then Casey and Sophie were waiting for me already by the main office so we could go do our thang for French club. The treasurer wasn’t there so then we went to Cayo’s class and apparently Cynthia and Tammy are in there :D Kids had already brought in money to pay for their French shirts and then we started discussing French club stuff like the whole T-shirt issue, money, blah blah blah. When we left to go to Blanco to go turn in the money that we had, some girl left his office crying and he made us go look for her –_- he got so pissed when we came back and told him we couldn’t find her. But luckily once we went to go find her again she was by the stairs, still crying, on the phone with her boyfriend and around her friends. Assuming from the weed on top of Blanco’s desk, the girl had been doing some sketchy stuff. Anywhoz,went to Seward’s class and then I asked to go to Mendez to pick up my essay and she told me to go Remmen to ask her about the Gates scholarship and it sounds SO GOOD so I’m definitely applying :D I did some French stuff on the computers in class and then the bell rang so I went to go meet up with Casey by the vending machines because Steph and I were going dress shopping for homecoming! He never got there, and it turns out he was in the officer with Pearson so I went to go look for him and then I saw Ms. Donna there so we started talking and she’s so cute and awesome lol. Casey finished and I said goodbye and we left. After we dropped off Casey and his mom at the car dealer, Steph and I went to Dadeland and the car ride was really nice. It got quiet at times, but I didn’t mind the silence. I had a really good time trying on all those dresses and bonding with my sis-in-law :) Unfortunately we didn’t find anything so then we were on our way to southland. We talked a lot actually and she even told me about her past relationship and all these other things. It twas’ not awkward at all. I really wanted to spend some time with Casey though so I told her I didn’t think we’d have enough time to go to southland so went to his house and we hung out for awhile, but it was too short ._. I miss him already. I miss him too much. I never thought this would happen to me oh mah damn. My mom got to his house pretty fast so I said goodbye to everyone and he dropped me off at the car and I wanted to kiss him goodbye but then steph came out and I feel uncomfortable with people watching me so I got in the car and we left away.

Now I’m home. Excited about this scholarship, a little sad about not spending time with Casey, but overall I’m great. My period came today and I had some pretty bad cramps but they’re gradually going away. I’m going to go finish online school now…yay.

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see

I seriously need to update this….

I’m downloading the Big Time Rush album as I speak…

I’m da cooliiiest ~

The member of the wedding

I love this movie so much. It’s too good.

I liked it more than I thought I would.

 

‘I think I have a vague idea what you were driving at,’ she said. ‘We all somehow caught. We born this way or that way and we don’t know why. But we caught anyhow. I born Berenice. You born Frankie. John Henry born John Henry. And maybe we wants to widen and bust free. But no matter what we do we still caught. Me is me and you is you and he is he. We each one of us somehow caught all by ourself.’

They are the we of me.

:>

Casey and I were walking towards Seward’s classroom in south campus when he suddenly told me he had to ask me something. I always panic whenever he says that, I never know what he’s gonna ask.

“Will you go to homecoming with me?”

My reaction: “Really? You wanna go to homecoming?”

Lol I’m ridiculous.

But I said yes :3

Later I realized that this probably means I need a budget for the dress, shoes, accessories, and I have to think about my hair…AND DA TICKET.

…yup.