Come home

I want to go on a picnic. I want to lay on a blanket and watch the clouds drift by me. I want to feel the sun kiss my face. I want to feel the grass tickle my toes...

Then I'll go on a hike. I'll explore through the trees. I'll listen carefully to the songs of the birds. I'll look up and wonder how the trees got so tall. I'll stop and hear my heartbeat and feel in sync with everything around me.

I'll be hungry after all of that, so I'll go to the nearest pancake or waffle house and drown in pancakes and maple syrup. Or a bacon burger.

I'll watch the stars after that and pretend I know where the big dipper is. I'll stare at the moon and it's beautiful face. I'll wonder how lucky the stars might feel to be around such a lovely sight.

In all those moments, I hope I get to share them with you.

Wherever you are right now, I hope you're more than okay. I hope you're full of joy and full of wonder, just as I am.

I lose patience sometimes, and sometimes I'm okay. But right now...I wish you were here. I wish we could share a cup of coffee and watch some House. I wish we could talk about vacuum cleaners, vegetable steamers and how Asian curry is just never going to cut it.

I miss you. Come home.  

Soon

There's a lot of things I never thought I was capable of having or doing but I did and I do.

I didn't think I could ride my bike when I was younger, and I did.
I didn't ever think I'd find awesome best friends, and I found the most imperfectly perfect group of friends.
I didn't ever think I could not eat meat, and I was a pescatarian for 8 months.
I didn't think I was going to college, and I'm almost in my third year.
I didn't think I would ever be a part of so many beautiful communities, but I'm incredibly blessed and I am.
I didn't think I would ever have such an incredible relationship with my family, but I do.
I didn't think I would ever hang out with my mom or just chill, but we are.
I didn't think I could handle not being around Maria Teresa for so long, but I made it.
I didn't think I could go without having you near me, but I'm still here.

THAT'S RIGHT, I'M STILL HERE.

I'm going to get through this, just like I have with everything around me and I am going to succeed.

I am more than okay, I am GREAT.

I'm going to Tennessee in less than a month on the vision fast and then Brazil in the middle of July.
AND I have an awesome family that's there for me no matter what. A beautiful mom. An amazing God.

So guess what? I'll be fine. I'll have my moments and I'll wonder what could have been, but I'll be fine. I AM fine. I'm going to meet the love of my life soon and I'll understand why it couldn't have worked out between us. It'll be a love that will last and a love that I could have never imagined.

Actually, God is so great to me I already know what that feels like. A love that will take any pain away just to see you smile, that's God and He's perfect.

I will meet you one day. I hope soon.

Ay que pelear

Also, I'm on week two of the fresh start cleanse and although yesterday I went crazy, my mom and I are doing awesome.

I'm ready for change, I'm ready for a healthier lifestyle, I'm ready for growth and love and all things new.

"Ay que pelear!! Pelearla!!!"

Rachell Portell, sweetest lady that gave me such great advice. We're all on different paths, I have to stop comparing myself to others. I don't need to follow the set path that everyone is supposed to follow. I'm making my own way, and with God's guidance how can I make a wrong turn?

So many blessings, so many things to be grateful for...and most of all, so happy to be alive and around such beautiful people that always pick me up when I'm down.

Fresh Start

I know this is going to sound crazy, but I really hope I get to see you again.

There's something about you...I feel like a little girl, lol.
I haven't felt this way in a while. I want to sing, dance and...get to know you more.

I want to know what makes you smile, what makes you cry, what makes you laugh...

I met this guy at Trader Joe's tonight and I didn't think he'd be interested in me, I thought he was interested in Diana.

Why did I cut our conversation short?

Thank you, God. Wherever you're taking me I have no doubt it's leading to something beyond what I had imagined.

It's been a hell of a couple of weeks, but today was great night.

Tonight was great. Can't wait to see you again. :)