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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Hello, May...

The sad part is: I don't care anymore. I love you, but it's not worth it anymore. I tried, I really did with all my heart and God knows it. At the end, it was all about you as always.

Some of us have some growing up to do: growing apart, growing together, growing in faith, growing in love, but mostly growing as a person. I'm definitely one of them. My priorities are not in shape and they need to be, for the sake of my sanity and well-being.

I have so many plans, so many ideas, so many thoughts in my head, but before I go out there and demand change, I must first change my ways and myself. As I said before, I refuse to change myself for anyone's benefit or happiness.

I've been talking to Daniela and Alejandra a lot about California and Arizona. They've been telling me not to force anything, that everything should come easily, naturally. Maybe they've been referring to other things too, maybe, even though they didn't know, it was about Diana all this time. Keeping our friendship took so much work and patience, and as much as I had fun and felt happy, it took a lot of work to keep her by. Nothing worth it ever comes easy, but nothing should be on such extremes all the time to the point of frustration and desperation. I miss you, I do, but I need to love me more. I'm not tired of giving so much, but I am tired of not being appreciated. Actions will always speak louder than words.

God, I still don't know what you're up to, but I'm still a fighter and I haven't given up yet. Guide me in the best way possible and always fill my heart with Your love and unconditional support. When in doubt, please remember that I am human and a sinner, but your daughter nonetheless.

When it's cold outside, I got the month of May.

Monday, April 29, 2013

You are you...are you sure?

"You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge." -Danielle LaPorte, The Positivity of Pride

I'm not changing for anyone's benefit or happiness. I am me and that is the greatest thing I should be proud of. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

So far, so far

So many thoughts going through my head. Im not doing well anywhere and wherever I turn sometjing new always seems to pop up. I stayed up all night studying and I kept getting distracted and woild fall asleep on and off. I took my chem test buy I'm sure I didn't do too well. Now I'm tired, hungry and I left my wallet at home. I have math in less than an hour and then I have to wait for Stephen because we carpooled in his car today and he decided to do this project with some girl. I have no energy but I want to study :/

Then during my test my dad texted me asking me if I could do him a favor. He needed to borrow $500. I was actually gonna do it but my mom suggested I didn't.  He's always bsck to his old ways, she said. But I wanted to give him a chance. I didnt do it though.

Things will work out though. I have to believe, I can't do anything more.