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Monday, September 26, 2011

bitchez be trippin’

I got an A on dat test ~

NOT A D.

On a sidenote, Mr. Blanco listens to Jack Johnson. How weird/cool is that?

Lolz.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

i feel too emotional today

the weather is perfect enough to watch Elizabethtown

But I can’t. Must..finish..online school.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

It’s been awhile and I should update

Let’s start with last weekend, Saturday to be exact.

September 17th : My cousin Leyla from my dad’s side was visiting from Nicaragua and she was only in Miami for a few days. My dad called my mom and asked her if we could meet up because she wanted to see me, it had probably been more than 5 years since the last time we saw each other. That day, things got complicated and my mom and I ended up going to Dolphin mall at around 8ish at night. I was kind of nervous, but a little anxious at the same time, because I hadn’t seen my dad in a long time. He hasn’t called me or anything to make sure I’m alright and whether I need anything. But he’s still my dad and I wanted to see him. He didn’t show up. Ever. He dropped off Leylita with his ex-wife, or whatever this lady is, and he was nowhere to be seen. I was so upset. How can he not show up? Its not like we see each other every weekend or talk on the phone. Its not like we keep in touch, so why did he not show up? Why doesn’t he care? It really hurt me. Another thing that hurt me was that my own boyfriend didn’t even bother to ask how it had gone. A whole day of communicating as if we were strangers, and not a single time did he call me or even ask me how it had gone the night before when he KNEW I had gone to see my dad and he KNOWS how much it would have meant to me. I talked to him about it on Monday at school and Monday night over the phone. We sort of patched things up, that wasn’t the only thing that had been on my mind.

September 20: My one month anniversary :3 We said our “congrats” and said our good nights a few minutes after midnight. I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal since it was our first month, not like it was our first year or something, so I didn’t get him anything. That day I had made myself two sandwiches cause they were so good and I hate being sleepy and hungry in school. When I see Casey walking up to me, he had a box of chocolates and a card in his hand: for me. I was like whaaaa..you shouldn’t have. Really, cause I didn’t. I improvised and was like “aw, well I made you a sandwich…:)” Ooops. After school his mom took us to the movies and we went to see Lion King in 3D and then he wanted me to get a bite to eat but I don’t like wasting his money, he’d already done so much. We ended up going to Starbucks and I got a double chocolately chip and he got a strawberries n cream thing. It was toooo good. Then we played patty-cake and then he took me home and good night kisses :*

My stepdad comes back today. I was supposed to go pick up Yoel at 1 (today’s early release day) and then take us to taco bell and have the 5 dollar box. Then I was supposed to visit my turkeys and pick him up. My bus driver picked us up really late and school, my mom chickened out and didn’t want me to go anymore and that she would pick him up and that means no taco bell for me :(

I hate that she doesn’t trust my driving. I know that she’s worried about the other drivers, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? A lot of my friends have a car and how come I  can’t be trusted?!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Shows I must start/catch up on

  • Being Erica
  • Modern Family
  • The Office
  • New Girl

yup

Monday, September 19, 2011

hmm.

I’m extremely drained right now; emotionally, physically, mentally.

I’ll post later about everything that’s been going on.

onlineschoolonlineschoolonlineschool

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Things are never gonna be perfect

I’ve got to accept that. They just never are. Something will always go wrong because conflict is apart of human nature. Right now, I have an exceptional mother, a wonderful boyfriend, an amazing family, incredible best friends (even though I haven’t talked to diana in the longest), great aquantainces and hopefully everything goes well in school <3

My dad’s not here, and that was his choice. But I didn’t make it any better by losing the effort to care. He’s a lost soul and hopefully someday he’ll come to his sense. I’ll always be here waiting for him, waiting for him to realize that he has a daughter, and a son out there, and that he needs to change. Not just for me, but for himself. Wherever it is that you are, I love you dad. I really do. We’ve had our ups and downs and I can’t help but still love you. After all you’re my dad and somewhere deep inside of you is a loving father, I just know it.

I’m so happy!!!!!!

I found my cousin Aury and Mila on facebook :D !!!!!!

Now we communicate and keep in touch and and and…

Maybe I can go to new york before christmas and see my cousins since Mila’s going up there…or after? Who knows but im so friggin’ excited :)

Oops

I realized that I show more affection and love towards my friends than my boyfriend.

.__________.

I’m so sorryyyyyyyyyy

I don’t know whats wrong with me. I love him, I do. My mindset is still on Strong-Single-Independent-Woman status. I don’t forget I’m not single anymore, but I sure as heck need to get it together before mah man starts noticing that I AM neglecting him in a way.

Balancing school + online school + college requirements + family + friends + boyfriend is no joke.

Why do I always put him last? He means so much to me, I need to get it together D:

I love you, and thank you for being so patient <3…so far

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I’m so frustrated

And I want to cry. I want to stop everything. I want to go to bed. I want to eat a whole tub of ice cream without regret. I want to cry some more. I want to go to sleep. i want to pretend I don’t have to do anything.

I’m gonna go finish online school. ._.

Monday, September 12, 2011

collegecollegecollege

I MUST FOCUS ON SCHOOL.

FINISH DANG ONLINE SCHOOL.

HAUL ASS. HAUL ASS. HAUL ASS.

i feel like a football player…

._.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Is it too much to ask?

All I want is to go to college, get a good career, have a great job, travel the world, read many books, listen to all these genres and amazing talented musicians, eat lots of food, meet interesting people, wear comfortable clothes and shoes, and live a happy life full of self-love and God’s love.

That’s all I want.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Is it so wrong to want to try so many things?

I donated blood today for the first time today! It went great :D I was a little nervous at first and when I saw the needle I started to get nervous, but I didn’t feel a thing and I didn’t feel dizzy or anything. Alyssa almost passed out though, she turned super pale and started feeling nauseous. She was a trooper though :)

I don’t know why I feel the way I do. Sometimes I miss you, sometimes I wish you weren’t here. Sometimes I want to talk to you so badly, sometimes I want to be by myself.

I know we’re just young, but you have a strong feeling about us, more than I do. I wish I believed more in us, more in you.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Exactly. Exactly…

I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want a steady hand, a kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe.

Shana Abé

I love you. I really do.

I’m a product of two people who have lost all sorts of affection for each other